Because Love Hurts
by xXx-fifi-xXx
Summary: James and Lily - don't we just love them? well here i document their relationship starting from the beginning of seventh year. this is my take on how i think the infamous couple may have got it together. Read - Enjoy - Review - xX
1. therapy

Because Love Hurts

Because Love Hurts

**This is my first fan fiction so please try and be nice. I know it gets off to a slow start but please bear with me! Disclaimer: we all know I don't own Harry Potter sorry guys….**

Chapter 1

_Hi my name is Bob, I work at my job making forty something dollars a day._

Not really.

Name: James I. Potter

Age: Seventeen

House: Gryffindor

Responsibilities: Head Boy/Gryffindor Quidditch Captain

Friends: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot

In love with: Lily Evans…

Seventeen years of life and that is what it boils down to. My therapist told me to make a _deary. _Or whatever it's called. It's a muggle thing. It's meant to help me "work through all the complicated stuff in my head and help me make sense of who I am." As if, still I might as well try it.

And plus… chicks dig it.

I'm sitting in the prefect's carriage - I still can't quite believe I'm here – waiting for Lily and the rest of the prefects. I know she is going to FLIP when she finds out I'm Head Boy. It'll be priceless.

Lily? Where to start. She has fiery red hair and almond shaped emerald green eyes. She's perfect, and I'm in love. According to Remus I've asked her out more than six hundred and fifty times.

And she has rejected me more than six hundred and fifty times.

Every rejection cuts through me like a knife. Nobody gets to me quite the way she does. But through it all, I love I her more.

I made a promise, not two weeks ago, that this year I would not ask for anything more than friendship. That I would not pester her, and I would do my best to stop getting on her nerves. Unfortunately that is easier said than done because most of the time I have no idea what it is that I have done to get her back up.

Moony – AKA Remus Lupin. Prefect. All round good boy, sandy haired and prematurely lined. Intelligent lad.

Padfoot – AKA Sirius Black. Adopted brother (ish – he has lived with us since he ran away at sixteen). Womanising bastard. (Oh crap now Sirius can never read this.) Self-labeled "Sex God."

Wormtail – AKA Peter Pettigrew. Small, dumpy, not so great with the ladies. Generally a bit thick (okay I'm being pretty harsh but it's the truth) but a pretty good laugh behind closed doors – that's not as dodgy as it sounds.

Now, I'm putting my deary away. I can hear Lily's voice through the slightly ajar compartment door. She is going to be so mad! Wish me luck.

Sorry I think I forgot to mention… Sirius is my therapist.


	2. Uhoh

**Disclaimer – not mine.**

Dedicated to him and to my sister who just got into Oxford – I'm so proud of her! Hope you enjoy….

Chapter 2 

Wow! A coronary was putting it lightly! Lily's face was priceless, slightly worrying that she the only thing she could get out was a strangled, "urhmfgch!" She really must hate me – I'm still on the train but I couldn't be bothered to find the Marauders, so I just found an empty compartment.

Lily looks so beautiful today, her hair was fanned out around her shoulders, with two loose curls framing her heart shaped face. Her cat-like eyes were widened in shock. She wore just a simple plain white v-necked tee with dark jeans, but she still looked stunning. I think she was still more shocked when I took complete control of the meeting and handed out the patrolling timetables to the prefects and explained all about their duties. She was rather useless actually, just sitting there with this bemused expression on her face staring at me. If I didn't know better I'd say she fancied me.

I know Lily doesn't fancy me. She never has – and I'm beginning to doubt she ever will. That's why I'm aiming for friendship this year. I don't think she thinks I'm serious though – I think she thinks I think of her (wow that's exhausting to think out) as just a conquest. Which I think is really horrible because I don't – if it was Sirius chasing her then of course she would be justified.

That sounds horrible coming from his best friend but it's not he's a bit of a sleaze when it comes to girls, if I'm perfectly honest. Shit! Now he really can't read this. Don't tell him I said this – he's my best mate and everything but he just doesn't understand what it feels like to not have the one thing in the world which will always provide you comfort. He doesn't understand what it feels like to wake up every morning and go to sleep every night thinking about the same person, to pine for them every moment of the day, to keep reassuring yourself that you will get there someday, to try not to take their words to heart. He doesn't understand because Sirius doesn't have anyone (except the Marauders) to love, his family are Voldy-lovers and he's never really loved a girl (or been out with one for more than two weeks).

Anyway, so I lead the prefects meeting – rather well if I do say so myself – I gave out the passwords and patrolled the corridors for a bit. I think that was everything I was supposed to do, I'm sure Lily would have told me (or rather have screamed at me) if I missed something out. We are arriving at Hogsmeade station now – wow! I just realised this is going to be my last sorting and welcome feast – I'm gonna miss this place.

How cool is this – we have our own COMMON ROOM! I know, our own common room with our own separate dorms and a bathroom to ourselves. No more competing with Sirius – trust me, you would not believe the amount of time he takes in the mornings. Lily didn't look too happy when I set the password to "Lilykins" – what? At least we will both remember it, As of yet we have not had a full-blown argument – I wonder how long that will last – so far we have both been very civil. I wouldn't say friendly – at least not on her side – but civil, and that's the first step towards friendship, right?

So as I was saying, Charms tomorrow should be fun as I hear from Professor Flitwick that we are recapping cheering charms. After that I have transfiguration, which we will probably get loads of homework for – after all this is McGonagall we're talking about. Oh yeah – because I'm Head Boy I got given my timetable after dinner instead of tomorrow morning, as did Lily.

Sorry about that – Lily was looking over my shoulder and I didn't want her to realise I was talking about her. I'm tired – I'm off to bed. Nighty-nighty.

_Lily picks up the "deary" from the coffee table and opens it. (Lily's thoughts are underlined)_

I know I shouldn't – but I can't resist! I mean as if he was actually writing about cheering charms. Wait a moment – shouldn't he be off with the marauders pulling pranks anyway. Merlin only knows how he got to be Head Boy! 

Oh my…. In the name of sweet Merlin – I honestly did think I was just a conquest. Hang on a minute – I've been set up, what kind of a twat leaves his diary lying around unless he wants it to be read. That son of a bitch – and to think I actually felt bad for being so mean and rejecting him! … Uh-oh.

"Lily – what are you doing with my deary?"


	3. you crapped that one up didn't you James

**Sorry it's taken me a while to update since it's the holidays but I'm a bit lazy and I wanted to take some time to think through James' reaction – I hope you think it's suitable. Please review if you have time because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and makes me type quicker! Lol! As always it's not mine it Rowling's. And as always (so far) this is dedicated to HIM – love always. ** Chapter 3 

Lily jumped off the crimson coloured couch holding the leather-bound diary in her hands.

"James – uh… um… I was – I was just… um," she trailed off, her pale face rapidly colouring. _Uh oh_, she thought to herself,_ he looks really mad – I don't think he left this here by accident._

James stood at the foot of the stairs leading up their private dormitories, dressed in only a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms. He was livid, his face matched the colour of the sofa, he was glaring daggers at the red head holding his deary. James could hear the blood thumping in his ears and his heart pounding against his ribcage. His hand jumped up – a nervous habit – and pushed his jet black hair back off his face. He took two deep breaths before he spoke.

"Okay, now I'm not going to say anything. Just give me back that book," his voice was low and menacing, "and we can forget this ever happened. We go back to being civil with one another and you never tell another living soul what you've read."

Lily stood there for a second.

"Lily – please, just give me the book - I'm this close to chucking things. Give it to me, before I say something I'll really regret." James walked over to the couch and grabbed the book roughly from her ivory hands. He turned on his heel and marched back up the stone steps from whence he had come.

The fiery redhead just stood in awed silence for several moments before shaking her head slightly and whispering to the dark, "I'm sorry."

(BACK TO JAMES" POV)

How frigging dare she! Where the hell does she get off reading other people's private thoughts! I thought she was little Miss Perfect who didn't go around snooping and prying into other people's business. She knows perfectly well how I feel about her yet she continually rejects me! Then she goes around reading my private deary like she's trying to rub my nose in it. She knows how much I want her and she loves letting me know I can't have her! Merlin! If she was anyone else then I would go out there and hex her a year into the future.

So, it's the morning after the night before (and no I didn't sleep with anyone) and I feel a bit bad that I was so mean to Lily. Yes, she hurt my feeling by reading all my private thoughts about her but maybe, just maybe, she might start to fall in love with me now she knows I'm for real. Anyway, enough about Lily.

The Marauders – that's me (Prongs), Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail – are going out tonight, as we do every month in school, to help Moony with his furry little problem. We (meaning Padfoot and I) have decided that we are sufficiently able to look after Moony in the Shrieking Shack and are therefore going to venture into the Forbidden Forest (as animagi or in Moony's case a werewolf) because we feel that the Shack just keeps him too cooped up.

Oh crap. She just came in. And by her I meant Lily (just in case you're as dumb as Peter – he practically needs step by step instructions to open a book). Back to the awkwardness of the situation, she is just standing there – STARING! Oh crap! I forgot I'm half naked!

Lily tore her eyes away from my (may I say very toned) torso, "James – I just wanted to say, um maybe I should come back later."

"Just give me five minutes."

Well that went better than expected – I half expected her to start screaming at me for being so rude and telling me I shouldn't leave my stuff lying around. But no, I was in for a treat. I got dressed – mighty quickly (I didn't even have time to comb my hair) – and rushed downstairs to find Lily sitting on the same couch. She looked like she'd been crying – but not in an ugly snotty way, a beautifully angelic way – and I asked her if she was okay. She ignored this question and, wait for it…. She APOLOGIZED!

I KNOW – LILY EVANS APOLOGIZED TO ME – just to clarify.

LILY EVANS APOLOGIZED TO ME JAMES POTTER!!!!!! How…. Odd!

Anyway, so after than I was gentlemanly and reminded her that we would (okay I'd told her) never speak of what she read again. And then accepted her apology before she told me I was an ungrateful pig or something.

And then, the best bit – we walked to breakfast together and talked! This has got to be the best day ever – Evans saw me topless (and didn't tell me to stop disgusting her and put it away), apologized to me and we have held multiple conversations throughout the day which didn't end in a shouting match! YAY!

Now I have to go, or I'm going to miss Moony's transformation and the others will kill me. Okay Padfoot will kill me, most likely Wormtail will just stand there looking confused.

**Hoped you liked – please review. Go on – hit the blue/purple button. Suggestions are welcome! xXx fifi xXx **


	4. In the name of all things Merlinish

Disclaimer: this is not mine it's Rowling's and if you actually thought it was mine I'm very flattered but you need to be put in a mental institution!

**Dedication: To Him – remember I'm the fire and you're the ice (and just thinking about that and I'm in tears)**

**Hope you don't think the events of this chapter are too cheesy – sorry if you do! **

**Please Read & Review – suggestions/ideas/constructive criticism always welcome and it's almost certain I'll reply! Go on press the blue/purple button when you're done!**

Chapter 4 (already)

Padfoot and Prongs crept through the entrance hall under the cover of the invisibility cloak. Wormtail was already by the Whomping Willow. Padfoot could barely contain his glee at what the marauders were about to do, Prongs on the other hand was feeling guilty.

"But Padfoot, you don't understand, we were getting on so well today! I feel awful lying to her – she asked me if I wanted to study together, and I had to make up some lie about helping Peter with his charms!"

"Merlin James! You can study together any time – Moony needs us!" Sirius whispered in an exasperated undertone, he immediately felt a bit bad (he knew how James felt about Lily), "look, don't worry about it – there will be plenty of opportunities for you and Evans to get up close and personal this year, after all – you do share a dorm, I bet you could cut the sexual tension in there with a knife!"

"Sirius! Is that all you ever think about? Lily and I are just friends, so just shut up – I don't want you ruining our new-found friendship."

At this junction, Padfoot tried to conceal a snort with a chesty cough – unsuccessfully. By now the boys had arrived outside the Whomping Willow (which had been immobilised by Peter previously). The boys disappeared into the tunnel.

&&&&&

Where the hell is James – I mean Potter, damn why do I keep calling him that? When he said he would be helping Wormtail (Merlin what is wrong with me, now I'm even using their nicknames) I didn't think he meant until two in the morning. I might go up to Gryffindor tower to see where he is. Crap! I can't do that – he'll think I'm checking up on him – or worse that I actually give a shit where he is. Okay so that was below the belt – but he's Head Boy, he can't just go swimming off after curfew now, he has to show responsibility.

Maybe I should go look in his room for a clue as to where he might be. No way – don't even think about it Lily, look what happened after you read his diary. I've never seen him so mad, the look he gave me – it was horrible. A small part of my brain said smugly, if you care as little as you say you do for Prongsie-poo then why are you so bothered what he thinks, the rest of my brain tried to ignore this disconcerting fact. I know that there was no way that he left that diary there for me to read, I could practically hear the blood rushing to his brain.

Oh, wait a second, I thought I heard something. James is back – the portrait hole just opened. Hang on, that's Sirius and he's carrying James. Oh shit – what the hell have they done?

&&&&&

Neither James or I have ever been seriously (no pun intended) hurt when running around with Moony. That changed, unfortunately, tonight. I don't really know what happened but Prongs was trying to stop Moony from attacking one of Hagrid's hipogriff's, he got in between the two of them and was tackling Moony – trying to get him to back off. I was trying to get the hippogriff – stupid git – to leave, that plan didn't work. Next thing I knew Prongs was lying on the ground back in James-form with deep gashes all over his chest. Trust James to get injured trying to save a hippogriff – he's too compassionate for his own good.

&&&&&

Oh sweet Merlin, in the name of all things Merlin-ish! James is just lying here on the sofa… bleeding. He's barely conscious and all he says is _Lily _or_ Lils _over and over again. I've never seen him so weakened. When Sirius came in, he was holding an unconscious James in his arms. He laid him down on the sofa told me to try and staunch the bleeding and said he'd be back! I mean – Merlin only knows what they were doing to get him in this state, probably gallivanting around the Forest (its called the Forbidden Forest for a reason). If James and Sirius think they're getting off lightly just because James if losing blood quicker Pete Doherty consumes drugs and alcohol, then they are wrong. Oh those boys are going to wish they were never born.

Now where the hell is Padfoot, I mean Black, what sort of a friend leaves their practically dying partner in crime with his worst enemy?

Thank Merlin – he's back, and I want some answers.

Sorry guys – nothing from poor old Jamsies' point of view  there should be in the next chapter though! You probably found this chapter really cliché but I had to write it – sorry! Oh yeah – I know that Pete Doherty wasn't around in the Lily/James era but just allow for a bit of creative licence, please. Now…

**CLICK THE BLUE/PURPLE BUTTON – YOU KNOW YOU WANNA! And… reviews make me upload faster!**


	5. Paler than Marilyn Manson

Disclaimer: you know it's not mine, wish it was though! I can only be responsible for the darling plot!

**Sorry I haven't updated recently, I have no excuse except that I have been working on my own story which is completely my own(!) and I have been writing it in first person and then all of a sudden I thought uh-oh maybe this would sound sooooo much better in third person! The dilema's of my life. Of course it has been Christmas and I've been hanging out with my sister who lives in Cardiff – so those are my excuses, you can be made with me if you want!**

**For Him, my inspiration. You're still the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about at night.**

**Thanks to all who have reviewed especially: lionesseyes13 (loving Untold Weasley Tales (check it out guys) and can't wait for the next chapter), LILYandJAMESareCUTE (hope I got the capitals in the right places!), lilyre and livvyg (again hope I got that right) – you guys make me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside so keep reviewing everybody!!!**

**Without further ado**

Chapter 5 

"Padfoot… I mean Black! What the hell has been going on tonight? You leave me for hours on end with dying comrade without even telling me how he was injured?" Lily sprung up from her cross-legged position on the floor to face an exhausted looking Sirius.

"He was attacked by a werewolf. I'm sorry but I had things to sort out and I knew that he'd be in safe hands with you," Sirius sighed.

Lily looked confused; the anger wore off her face as she looked in concern at a clammy, unconscious James. She let out a sigh of relief as she saw that he had not been bitten.

"A werewolf," Lily said dubiously, "A werewolf. In Hogwarts. Nice try Black but I'm not falling for that – he hasn't been bitten. D'you know what – I don't even want to know what you were doing tonight. Did some stupidly dangerous prank backfire on you? It wouldn't be more than you two deserve, I can't believe that I actually thought he might have changed this year. I'm sure I'll find out what this prank is at breakfast tomorrow morning. How stupid do you think I am? A werewolf on school grounds – that's preposterous! You call yourselves best mates but he's lying here paler than Marilyn Manson, losing blood hand over foot and you leave him for "things to sort out" – you disgust me," Lily spat, her voice becoming steadily louder until she was screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Lily – I'm not lying, honestly… just let me explain. I would never leave James," Sirius started, shocked at her outburst. Somewhere deep down Lily knew that Padfoot was not lying, she could tell by the caring in his face and love in his eyes as he spoke, but unfortunately it was too deep down. Lily was beyond listening to reason. She didn't want to believe that he really cared, she just wanted to scream for all and sundry to listen because she'd been worried sick and didn't like that she cared so much.

"Just go. I do not want to talk to you right now, I wouldn't lose a winks sleep if we never crossed paths again. I will look after James – I will sort him out to the best of my ability. Don't worry about him. When you next see him, tell him I don't want to speak to him ever again, except when it's necessary – in Prefect meetings etcetera. Just go – we won't mention this late-night rendezvous again," it was not a question but an order, Lily's voice was cold and controlled – but Sirius could see she was anything but calm, her chest rising and falling rapidly gave her true emotions away.

Sirius stood there for a second his head tilted to the right slightly, his eyes boring into hers before giving a brief nod. With that he walked towards James, lying on the sofa behind Lily, a slight crease formed between her eyebrows. Sirius leant down to James and grasped his upper arm firmly before whispering discretely in his ear, "I'm sorry mate." With that Sirius straightened himself out, turned on his heel and departed from the Heads Common Room.

&&&&&

How flipping dare he? That is such a cruel lie – a werewolf, werewolves have a hard enough time in society as it is without twats like Black making up horrible lies about them attacking people. Why can't those boys just tell the truth? I can't believe I actually thought James – I mean Potter – was helping Pettigrew. As if those boys ever help anyone except themselves. This excludes Remus, he's lovely – merlin knows how he ended up gallivanting around with The Marauders!

Oh shit! I've been ranting so much I haven't been paying attention to Prongs! How the hell did I end up nursing Potter back to health? The blood replenishing potion is almost ready. I'll give him that and take him to bed – NOT IN A WRONG WAY, I'LL JUST LEVITATE HIM THERE.

I managed to stop the bleeding and fix the wounds. I didn't do it nearly so well as Madame Pomfrey but I haven't had much experience. It'll leave a bit of scarring but I can't do anything about that, if the stupid twat wasn't quite so god damned stupid he wouldn't have got himself into this mess!

&&&&&

I'm not quite sure what happened last night. All I know is that I woke up this morning in rather a lot of pain with no shirt but my jeans on. Someone must have taken off my shoes because I was still wearing socks.

Anyway, I went downstairs and called for Lily but she had already gone to breakfast. She's blanking me, she hasn't said a word to me all morning and refused to sit with me in Herbology in favour of sitting with Snivellus.

Sirius helpfully told me that she says that she doesn't ever want to talk to me ever again – unfortunately this information was only passed on after I'd tried in vain to talk to her for the first two lessons. He then proceeded to tell me what had happened last night. I can't believe she thought Sirius was lying – as if he'd lie about something like that. Then again it's like that muggle book, I can't remember what it was called – something like the _Boy Who Called Pig_ – when nobody believes the boy when he tells the truth because he's told such whoopers in the past!

So now, because Sirius is a bit of a womanizing, lying bastard, Lily doesn't ever want to talk to me again. Harsh, I know, but true. Do you know what? I'm not even going to try anymore. If she honestly doesn't want me to talk to her then I bloody well won't.

I would do anything for her. If this is what she wants – even though it will kill me to do it – then I will do it.

No more talking to Lily Evans then. Starting from…

…Now.

Aww, a bit sad I know. AND ITS ALL SIRIUS' FAULT! Lol! Not really. Hope you enjoyed. Sorry it's quite short and I took so long posting it up!

**Please Review – go on, press the button… you know you want to. Review make me feel special!**

**Lol! The Boy who called Pig!**

**xXx fifi xXx **


	6. I'll be there for you sing song style

Sorry it's been a while – I've been finishing coursework and (yes marvin the corkscrew) been looking at statues, who knew London was so jam-packed full of 'em?!

**Disclaimer – sorry folks it still ain't mine – but if J. K. Rowling wants to sell the rights to me for… (Checks pocket change) approximately 49p then it would be….**

Chapter 6 

Okay, so it's Friday. I should be happy – but that would make my life to easy, so I'm not. Not only do I have a mountain of homework – what the You-Know-Poo is up with me, since when do I care if I have homework? Oh right, yeah since I became "responsible James" as opposed to "Prongs/arrogant toerag/Marauder/sex god/idiot-who-rumples-up-hair-for-the-just-got-off-my-broomstick-look."

Back on track: not only do I have a mountain of homework but I'm still not talking to Lily – I mean Evans – unless strictly necessary, which is physically draining I can tell you. It was hard enough to try and stop asking her out every day – but not talking to her! Still, it's what she wants, and I don't feel like arguing anymore – this year is stressful enough without having to find time to argue with her. Maybe if I ignore her for long enough she'll realise how wonderful I am and she'll run into my arms and tell me she loves me – and then we'll have makeup sex all night long….

"Er Prongs – mate, you're drooling…"

Thanks Padfoot, it was a nice fantasy (a little backward maybe) – while it lasted! It's Sirius' fault I'm in this mess at all – if he wasn't a male chauvinist pig, then Lily would have believed that Moony has a furry little problem. Why the hell does she think we call him Moony?

I really should stop taking things out on Sirius….

After all – he did warn me that I was drooling….

&&&&&

Urggghhh!!!! Why do men have to be such stupid TWATS! And this time it isn't even Pothead who's bothering me – he's been strangely… subdued this week, I wonder why….

STOP THINKING ABOUT POTTER LILY! CONCENTRATE – THINK ABOUT THE HUFFLEPUFF TWIT….

Right, so now we are back on track I can think about what happened. So I'm just walking along, minding my own business (at least as much as the Head Girl can) thinking about that book I've been meaning to buy from Waterstones.

It looks really interesting; it's about the remaining veterans from the Great War. The author interviews them all and they are giving their accounts from the First World War.

Anyway – what is wrong with me, I keep getting distracted today! So I'm walking along and my boyfriend sneaks up beside me and puts his arm around my shoulders, and he goes:

"Lils – I need to talk to you… privately," which of course get me all worried – because lets face it how can you not be worried when a guy says something like that with a completely straight face.

So next thing I know he's leading me into one of the shortcut passageways - which was deserted.

"Look Ken, you're really worrying me – is it because we didn't meet up over the summer, I really wanted to I was just really busy and one thing got on top of another and…. Well you know how it is," I trailed off.

"Lils, I'm not worried about that. It wasn't only your fault I was busy too – remember?" He leaned against the wall of the passage with his hands in his pockets.

"Before you get so stressed out I have to take you to the hospital wing I'm not breaking up with you," I let out the breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding, "Well not exactly," I tensed up again, "it's just – I really don't know how to say this, I've noticed you've been so distracted lately and now something's happened between you and Potter even though you won't admit it." He sighed, "I think we should go on a break, before you protest – I really think it's exactly what you need, what we both need."

"Break is the cowards way of saying "let's break up but if I don't find a prettier girl to shag within (insert specific amount of time) then let's get back together!"" I said my voice rising hysterically.

"Lils, that's not what I'm saying – there's no need to be cynical – I just want to give you time to sort your priorities out," Kenneth effing Allingham tried.

"Right, yep sure – this is all about you helping me. Fine, if that's what you think I need then lets go on a break, after all I just want… what's best for us," I said calmly.

"I know I'm right Lily, you'll see – this is the best thing for our relationship."

I forced a smile. Turned on my heel. And walked away.

Twat.

This is all Potter's fault.

I bet this ends up just like in Friends when Ross and Rachel go on a break and Ross sleeps with someone else and they just can't get over it.

Not that anyone in this castle actually knows what Friends is.

I hate being part of the Muggleborn minority.

How is it that even when I'm not talking to Pothead he still finds a way to screw up my life?

&&&&&

Lily and James were sitting at the Gryffindor table eating dinner in silence. Their friends were grouped around them, occasionally looking up to glance at the two who sat in stony silence or to give each other frightened and concerned looks.

"James may I have the butter?" Lily enquired politely as she took a piece of bread from the basket on the table.

"Of course," he replied passing it over, "You wouldn't mind passing me the pumpkin juice would you?"

Lily obliged. A handsome, blonde sixth year Ravenclaw wandered over to the table to stand behind Lily. James looked up first.

"Lily, James, I'm glad I caught you," the prefect started nervously. He cleared his throat, "I was hoping I could change my patrol duty, for tonight. I know it's short notice but McGonagall put the class in detention when Gideon set off a dungbomb. I was hoping you could stand in for me," he finished looking at Lily.

"Uh yeah, that shouldn't be a problem. That means you have to do midnight patrol on…..Monday," Lily looked up from her timetable and smiled.

"Thanks, I'd better get going – detention calls!"

"Good luck, I hope McGonagall doesn't make you do anything too horrible. If you're in the dungeons I can assure you it will be bad!" James put in cheerfully, "See you later Bill."

As one Lily swivelled back round to face her food and James lowered his eyes to face his. With that their meal resumed in silence, as if nothing had happened.

&&&&&

It was eleven and Lily and James were patrolling the halls in silence. Lily had not been to happy when she had found out who her patrolling partner was, she stupidly had forgotten to check the timetable when she agreed things with Bill. She had spent ages ensuring she did not have to patrol with Potter, as well.

James was walking along in silence, he didn't try to make conversation because he knew that Lily wasn't interested in what he had to say about why he had become ill. He hadn't been to pleased either when Lily agreed to patrol tonight because being in her presence made him want to make her understand. And being in the dark made his fantasies even more wild than usual!

The two approached the third floor corridor and heard a slight sound. Lily turned to James and rolled her eyes, which he grinned at, before they both realised who they were with and turned to face the classroom on their left. It was common enough to find students out of bed for one reason or another but most commonly it would be couples trying to get some "alone time" which they couldn't do in their dormitories because they were, well dorms.

James Alohomora'd the lock and gestured for Lily to go inside. Lily walked into the disused classroom and shined the light from her wand into the fornicating youths' eyes. As they fell apart she gasped. James stepped into the room and gasped himself.

Lying on the floor, shielding their eyes from the light, in a tangle of half-on-half-off clothing lay Kenneth effing Allingham and…

Bill – the prefect….

**Lol! Sorry I haven't updated in ages – did I already say that?**

**Please review, sorry it wasn't all that long…**

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**xXx fifi xXx **


	7. A ringding a rubadubdub

(Ducks behind sofa) I know it's been ages but I have a life and I've been back at school! Please don't hit me! Show mercy! I feel quite bad considering I left you a bit of a cliff-hanger.

**Without further ado (ha much ado about nothing/water/lol marvin/sorry to anyone who isn't marvin) I present to you chapter (insert suitable number) of Because Love Effing Hurts.**

Chapter 7 

James barely registered what happened next. He heard Lily take two sharp breaths and felt rather than saw her turn on her heel and storm back to the dormitory. James was not fully aware that Ken and Lily had been dating as he was trying not to keep tabs on her romantic life this year. However, James did know that Kenneth Allingham was a popular, reasonably clever and (compared to the likes of James and Sirius) reasonably handsome. He was also aware that Ken had been experimenting sexually for quite some time now.

James shook himself out of his reverie. Pointing his wand at the two he said, "get up, go back to your respective dormitories immediately, twenty points from both Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. I don't want to see you out after dark again and believe me – I will know if you have been," James pointed his wand at the hastily dressing boys threateningly, sounding scarily teacher-ish.

&&&&&

A month had passed since that awkward evening and Lily and James were still not talking to each other. It was Saturday afternoon and Lily was curled up in one of squishy chairs in their private sitting room. She was reading muggle fiction, having taken a one-book-break from muggle _non-fiction_ – after all there is only so many hundreds of pages on the causes of outbreak of war over the last century a girl can take!

Lily looked up briefly as James came through the portrait hole into the living room, before gazing back down at the beaten copy of _Pride and Prejudice _on her lap. She stared unfocused at the page – not even seeing the most romantic scene of all time – for roughly a minute before noticing the legs standing in front of her.

Lily was an intelligent girl, so it only took her a second to figure that those legs were unlikely to be standing there by themselves and would probably be attached to some kind of upper body.

She looked up at last to find a nervous-looking Remus staring back down at her.

Lily was surprised, she had secretly hoped they belonged to James – though of course she wasn't going to admit this. "Lily," Remus started twisting his hands together and running one through his hair. _How incredibly like Potter he is – I'd never noticed._ The back of her mind was telling her,_ yeah and maybe that's why you like Remus so much, because he's like James._ Lily shook her head.

"Uh, I don't really know how to do this – I'm amazed you didn't work it out yourself. I just – I just can't watch you and Prongs like this, tearing yourselves up because of me."

"Remus – d'you want to tell me what's up? I'm getting worried, and what's this about James?" Lily got up and put her book down.

"No Lily sit down, please," The two sat down next to each other on the sofa, "do you remember the night when Sirius brought James back here and he was… injured?"

"How could I forget? I'm still catching up on sleep," Lily replied in a droll tone.

"Well, please don't tell James that I'm telling you this – he'll kill me. He's insisting that he's over you and that… well that's not important. The thing is Sirius wasn't lying – I am a werewolf."

&&&&&

Saturday afternoon, and I'm miserable. What in the name of Merlin's house elf is up with me? Only a few months ago Padfoot and I would spend the afternoon playing pranks on Snivellus or flirting shamelessly with girl after girl.

Okay – Sirius would flirt shamelessly and I'd sit there pretending to have a good time thinking about Lil – Evans.

I feel awful for her, That Ken guy really pissed around with her, and she really liked him. I wish there was something I could do to make her feel better. All her friends are really worried about her. All she does these days is sit in that armchair by the fireside and read. Merlin knows how many books she's gotten through in the last month, she doesn't really talk to anyone – ever.

I wish I could do something… but I can't, because we still aren't talking. I can't tell Padfoot and Moony – Peter wouldn't understand – how much it's driving me nutty because I'm "over her" – or at least I'm pretending to be. Moony wants to tell her about his furry little problem but I won't let him. If Moony tells him about that then we will have to tell her about the whole illegal animagi thing. Which I don't think she would be too thrilled about considering it's illegal .

In fact, I'm not convinced she will believe Moony should he tell her. She'll probably think I put him up to it, she thinks there is nothing I won't sink to.

&&&&&

D'you know what Remus just told me? He told me that he's a werewolf! I don't know what to believe. Because on the one hand – he does disappear once a month (not that I've been keeping tabs or anything) and it is on the full moon. Also the night James got hurt it was full moon. However, it could just be coincidence, maybe there's some kind of ritual or prank or something they always pull on full moon? Okay so that's a crap argument but still…

Sev did always say that there was something wrong with Remus, and he did speculate about it – millions of times he tried to convince me that Remus was a werewolf. Until fifth year when for absolutely no reason he just dropped the whole thing about Moony…

Oh holy merlin! How can I have been so stupid? Moony, Moony, **MOONY!!**

And I accused Black of lying…

&&&&&

"Right guys, thanks for coming. That's about everything. Just to remind you – if you have any ideas for events we can suggest to the Head, don't hesitate to let us know. See you next week unless you need to speak to either of us," James finished up the prefect's meeting in the transfiguration classroom.

Lily watched him, thinking how far he'd come. He regularly led the meetings and always did his fair share of the Head's duties. At the beginning of the year she had thought she'd have to everything herself – but he'd proved her wrong.

It was halfway through November, and though Lily believed the Marauders she still had not patched things up with James.

The prefects had left and James was shoving a heap of parchment into his bag. He turned towards the door.

"Wait James," Lily called out, "I need to talk to you."

"Always an ominous sign," James replied much more bravely than he felt. He dropped his bag to the floor and a piece of parchment fluttered out without the two Head's noticing.

Lily gave him a slight smile, "I've been an idiot – and I'm really sorry. I never should have accused Black of lying and I should have listened. I was to quick to judge you, to prove to myself that you were the idiot you're supposed to be."

"I'm confused… what?" James replied with an adorable frown on his face.

"Remus told me about the whole werewolf thing."

"Oh. Merlin that boy never listens – I told him not to tell you. Now you're probably going to report the three of us for being illegal animagi and then where will Moony be?" James vented, "Look Lily, please listen. We only did it because we were trying to help Moony. It makes his transformation so much more bearable. I know it's a lot to ask but, please – don't report us."

"Um… I hadn't – I need to think," Lily replied.

"Okay, just please don't do anything rash – think about Moo – Remus, I've really got to go – I'm sorry," James finished, scooping up his bag and hurrying out, biting his lip in frustration.

&&&&&

"Moony – why did you tell Lily about your furry little problem?" James shouted at the pale boy as he opened the door to his old dormitory.

"Hold your hippogriffs mate, as you rightly pointed out it is MY furry little problem and therefore I can tell who I want – when I want," Moony replied calmly, looking smug at hearing James call _Evans _Lily.

"Well it's not just your problem, is it? Lily doesn't approve of pranks let alone illegal animagi, so think how her knowing is going to affect the three of us. She will probably report us."

"Well it's a good thing she doesn't know about the three of you then isn't it?"

"Yeah well… wait what?" James all but bellowed, "Say that again."

"I didn't tell Lily about the animagi bit, I'm not stupid you know."

James went pale – moving his lips without sound coming out.

&&&&&

What on earth was James going on about earlier today? Was he saying that the three of them: Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, were all illegal animagi, and had been for a while now?

But that's impossible how could they be? Okay maybe Potter and Black could do it, but Peter that's impossible he's… well a tad thick (no offence intended).

And what about this piece of parchment I found on the floor, it was really sweet. It said:

_My Lilykins_

_You are amazing, you are so great_

_We will always be best mates_

_Smile, be happy, don't be sad_

_You're the coolest mate I've ever had_

_You're gorgeous, you're stunning, you're beautiful to me_

_Our fights are amazing, you're lovable as can be_

_You're chairman of the Slug Club_

_A rind-ding a rub-a-dub-dub_

_Hey there my Lily please don't ever go away_

_You're the one and only who brightens my day_

_Roses are red, violets are blue _

_Just wanted you to know how in love I am with you :-)_

At the bottom there was a little post scipt: _Yeah, we're barely speaking let alone mates. Maybe she'll never love me._

Okay – so the rhyming scheme was a little off, but it was so cute. No guy has ever written poetry about me before.

So there it is chapter seven completed. I'm so sorry it's taken so long, I actually started this chapter a week ago but I didn't have the chance to finish it. I've been so busy with homework and babysitting and going out I didn't have a chance. If you're still a faithful reader then thankyou.

**Please review – it means so much to me. Press. Button. Now.**

**I hope you think I handled the gay situation in a good way – let me know what you think.**

**Also thanks to Tammy – one of my bestest mates ever – she wrote me that poem (with several changes in it because she isn't in love with me) when I was really down a few months ago. It sits by computer all the time and I thought I would put it in there!**


	8. keep it on the DL

Okay so here we are chapter eight of Because Love Hurts. Thanks to everyone who reviewed [I hope I got back to you because I know how annoying it can be if people don't I'VE GOT TWENTY FIVE REVIEWS yay I'm so happy. I know this might sound weird but this is my first story so it's a big deal to me.

**Dedication: To Clarence Jeffries, VA – the bravest man I've ever heard of – and to Nelly. [if you want to know who they are drop me a line and I'll tell you**

Chapter 8 

_Oh merlin. Oh sweet sweet merlin. I'm such a twazzock, why did I have to go jumping the thestrals with Lily? _

James was running through the corridors in a very un-Head-Boy-ish way. "No running in the corridors," he distinctly heard a squeaky voice squeak. He didn't process this though, it just went in one ear and out the other. He kept running – as if his life was dependant upon it.

_Maybe I can persuade Lily I was just joking. Or tell her it was all some practical joke – even that Moony isn't a werewolf. Okay, on the one hand she would be mad, but losing Lily would be worth it just to make Remus' transformations a little more bearable. _

James reached the painting standing between him and Lily and panted, "Lilykins." He jumped through the hole Hot-Fuzz style, ran across the common room, and took the stairs to Lily's room three at a time.

James grabbed the handle of the door labelled, "Head Girl," ignoring the door opposite, which Sirius had transfigured to say, "Junior Sex God." Without bothering to knock Prongs barged his way into Lily's room.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH," two people screamed at once, one's significantly higher pitched than the other.

"I'll… I'll just be… be going – then," a dazed James started.

"Yeah, you do that, oh and by the way I'm up here," Lily said pointing to her flushed face, redirecting James' eyes from the pillow firmly clasped against her bosom.

"Yes, well sorry. Um I – we… I really need to talk – soon, sometime. Whenever."

"Right, I'll see you later then," Lily said with far more composure than she felt.

As James closed the door, Lily sighed – loudly and fell back down on her bed. She heard a knock on the door.

"Lils – I'm not coming in don't worry – but I really need to speak to you, urgently, so can I, I mean, will you, um, come down to the common room as soon as you're dressed. Please – I mean that wasn't an order or anything. I would never boss you about, just it is important – and, and I'd be really grateful if you… you would," James finished lamely.

"Sure thing," Lily replied in an ever-so-fake-and-chirpy voice, which she usually saved only for talking to Petunia with.

&&&&&

Good one James. Really put your foot in it this time didn't you. Urghh sometimes I really disgust myself! Here she comes and together we're redder than a sunburnt chilli.

&&&&&

"Lily – I'm so, so sorry about before. It was really stupid – I should've knocked. Merlin we make quite a pair don't we?" James finished with a lame smile.

"Oh and just so you know. If it makes you feel any better – which I hope it does – I really didn't see anything. Obviously I was trying not to look – not that I think you're ugly I was respecting your… _bits and pieces."_

At this last statement Lily tried not to laugh and succeeded only in deepening the flushed colour in her cheeks, "well apology accepted, you better knock next time though! Oh – and how about we keep this exclusively between ourselves? I'd prefer it if this didn't get about the school."

"Of course, ourselves, secret and knock."

"Right – so um what did you want to talk about?" Lily asked trying not to laugh at his splutter of words, seating herself on the edge of an armchair.

"Yes – of course, yep. Well the thing is… about earlier. I said somethings…"

"Right, well you needn't worry. I'm going to keep it a secret. The animagi thing, I mean. Though I might not approve of illegal goings on, I do approve of you going to such lengths to help a friend. I'll also cover for you when necessary on full moon. Your injuries proved that it can't be easy trying to help Remus."

"Well, it's better for us to be there and get a bit bruised than him suffering from hurting himself as well as the general discomfort (to put it lightly) of his transformation."

"You must be a pretty good friend to be willing to let him hurt you just so he stops hurting himself, and to guard his secret so carefully," Lily observed quietly.

"I never really thought about it. I took us three years to find something that would help him during his transformations and a further two to accomplish it. I didn't ever question that it was the right thing to do."

"Well that just makes you an even better friend then doesn't it," Lily got up from the armchair, "anyway like I said – I'll keep it on the DL. I've got to go."

"Wait – the DL, what?" James asked looking confused.

"Short for the down low. I'll keep quiet – you have my word."

Lily walked towards the portrait hole, "Oh and James – it's called a diary. Not a deary."

Again sorry it took me so long. I've been so busy. Sorry it's not all that long.

**Please review.**


	9. PDAs

A/N: Sorry it's been a while – I first started this chapter on my working out sheet of paper in Maths Challenge but then I lost it! So then I went to visit my sister in Wales, and then I re-started it on the train coming back home. Then I'm clearing up my room (technically my sisters room which I use) and I find my original start to the chapter.

**If you read that well done – I am now attempting to combine the two beginnings as I like bits of both. If I can read either, moving train's aren't the best places to practice handwriting.**

**Dedication: movis hovis best of both – best friends for life yeah? I want a review when I'm please movis! Xxx**

**Without further ado:**

Chapter 9 

Lily climbed out of the portrait hole and started to walk down the long, relatively empty corridor with absolutely no sense of direction. She was lost in her own thoughts.

&&&&&

Oh dear lord! Why on earth did I agree to that? Remind me someone please? I just agreed to keep illegal activities to myself. I must be mad, what in the name of Merlin's houself was I thinking? Wait did Merlin even have a houself? NOT THE RIGHT TIME FOR THIS LILS!

Since when did I give in to James' barbaric demands – before I know it I'll be agreeing to date the guy!

Oh yeah – I just realised, he hasn't asked me out once this year. How weird – but great, it's not like I enjoyed it or anything – is that! I can't deny that the attention was rather flattering – YES YOU CAN LILS IT WAS JUST DAMN ANNOYING NOT FLATTERING!

Maybe Remus was wrong – maybe he is actually over me. Not that he ever actually care for me. I know I was just a challenge to him. But then again, he seemed genuinely caring. When he was writing in his "deary" he seemed to truly love me. He didn't intentionally leave it there… and no one lies to their diary!

It's only been a few months – enough to get over me? Don't be so arrogant Lils – you aren't as special as you're making yourself sound. Kenneth Allingham certainly didn't put much store by you did he?

But James – I mean Pothead – he said/wrote he loved me. And he meant it. How can you get over someone that quickly? Anyway it's not like it's important anyway as it's not like you have any feelings – besides respect – for the boy.

Hang on… when did I start respecting him?

All I know is that I acted like a fool, a stupid fool just now.

And Potter stops me from thinking straight!

&&&&&

Kenneth Allingham's POV 

I haven't pulled in a while. Ages actually – not since Evans found me getting cosy with that gay prefect.

Girls are fleeing from me like spiders from a Basilisk right now. And guys – well the gay ones – keep trying to chat me up. I have to tell them ever so gently I'M NOT FRIGGING GAY OKAY IT WAS A MISTAKE. M.I.S.T.A.K.E MISTAKE. GOT IT!

I dunno what to do about it.

Maybe if I got back with Evans… yeah – if I got back with Evans it would probably restore my damaged reputation.

Worth a try right? It can't do any harm. And Lily's easy – she "loves everyone and anything." If I just put on the ol' Allingham charm…

Think of the devil and here she is.

"Lily – darling," I put on a suave voice. Ha! I love how people have already stopped to watch the drama unfold – actually no I don't! They think I'm a fool.

Wait a second – she hasn't noticed me!

"Lily," I place my hand on her shoulder, "Lily – I need to talk to you, maybe somewhere a little more private…" I am so not doing this in front of an audience.

"Allingham – how lovely to see you," so she's taken to referring to me by last name now has she. She looks surprised – like she's just woken up from a coma to finks she's lost a year of her life.

"I said we need to talk – let's go somewhere more private shall we?" I put my arm round her shoulders trying to propel her down the corridor.

"No," she suprises me – oh well I'll just try a little harder. She'll agree soon enough, I don't think she can hold out for long.

"Come on Lily, don't be like this – I need to explain. Everyone deserves a fair hearing," I see a muscle relax in her jaw, "I know I was stupid – but I have an explanation. I've gotten my priorities sorted since then and you're top of the list," I see said muscle contract again.

Uh oh – that can't be good.

"It's a shame I wasn't up there a few months ago eh? Whatever you want to say you can say here, there's no one around," well that wasn't so bad, but she's clearly blind. I've never seen this particular hallway so crowded.

I can see a smile start to play across her lips. Oh I get it – she's not blind. She's testing me. Testing my courage, she wants to know how desperately I want her.

Well okay – I'm fairly desperate - lets face it. I'll play along – but I'm not going to grovel…

&&&&&

This should be fun – just what I need to perk me up, a visit from the biggest twazzcock in the world!

"Okay, Lily just give me another chance. I won't let you down – it was a stupid mistake, I've grown up a bit since then. I am sorry."

I snort, "No you're not. You are just out of people to screw this month, stop wasting your time when you could be out looking for a new boy/girl – I don't know which you favour this month – to shag and then dump," a smile plays on my lips but he is seriously starting to annoy me now.

"Lils – you can't deny we were great together –"

"Oh just change the record. Are you so desperate you'll come to me for sloppy seconds 'coz you're not getting any. Besides – I have a boyfriend now," WAIT WHAT? Where is this coming from – I'm totally and utterly single.

Oh I get it – well done brain. We are making him jealous and trying to get him to GO AWAY.

Slight problem in that I don't have anyone to pose as my boyfriend though…

&&&&&

"Uh – Prongs mate? Why are you repeatedly jumping up and down on the sofa? Mate?"

"Yeah what Moony said, what you doing that for?" Sirius asked joining James jumping up and down on the scarlet sofa.

"Lily," James panted – jumping up and down was _tiring._

"She finally decided to date you!" Sirius guessed.

"That'll be the day," Remus muttered, "she's not going to report you three?"

James pouted, "hey, how'd you guess? I wanted to jump off the sofa and give a dramatic recount of the conversation!"

Remus shook his head and rolled his eyes – sometimes he wondered why he was friends with these two.

"Well, you ran out of the dorm a couple of hours ago freaking about Lily reporting you, and now you're jumping up and down on the sofa. Hard as it may be to believe – I know you wouldn't be distracted from something as important as saving your neck. Plus I knew if anyone could persuade Lily to break the rules this year it's you. Finally I saw Lily walking down the corridor looking really confused with herself. So I put all those together and figured she said she'd keep things under wraps."

"Oh, I hope she doesn't change her mind. Do you know which way she went?"

"I reckon she'll still be in the ancient runes corridor if you hurry – she got stopped by that ravenclaw – Alingham I think his name was," Remus replied.

"Urgh crap, he is such a creep. Why can't he just leave her alone? I might go and rescue her," James winked and leapt of the sofa and scrambled out of the portrait hole.

&&&&&

Urgh. So it's not enough for that banana to cheat on her, he has to come back for more! He makes me sick!

I wonder what he wants. Probably to get back with her, his reputation is ruined as I hear it. Oh merlin, he probably thinks that getting back with Lils will restore his rep.

I need to warn her Lils might actually believe him.

No she won't – you don't need to always protect her Prongs. She's knows he's a waste of space. Not even someone as kind as her would get back to him.

Here we are – Ancient Runes corridor, there's definitely something going down. And that is Lily's voice.

Whoa – how many people have skipped dinner for this? If I can just get to the front…

"No you're not. You are just out of people to screw this month, stop wasting your time when you could be out looking for a new boy/girl – I don't know which you favour this month – to shag and then dump," I see the smile play on her lips, but I can tell she is get annoyed.

"Lils – you can't deny we were great together –"

"Oh just change the record. Are you so desperate you'll come to me for sloppy seconds 'coz you're not getting any. Besides – I have a boyfriend now," WAIT WHAT. Since when does she have a boyfriend?

Apparently I'm not the only one who's surprised, a shocked murmur runs through the crowd. Well it's not like I'm Lils' best mate so I don't really have grounds to be surprised.

I guess, me not asking her out everyday has stopped scaring all possible suitors away.

"Sorry?" Allingham seems genuinely shocked – I can't wait to beat the shit out of the Ravenclaw team on the Quidditch pitch later this month.

"Yeah," Lily regains her cool, "I'm going out with someone, so your desperate attempts aren't getting you anywhere."

"Who," apparently Allingham can only manage a word at a time.

Lily tosses her hair and I see her scanning the crowd. Oh crap – don't tell me she's making this up…

She swallows, I see the desperation in her eyes. All the years of watching her across the classroom, the common room, in the Quidditch stands and between classes have paid off. I know every look.

"Potter, I mean James," she croaks. What, now I know she is definitely making it up because I would remember if I was going out with her. I can feel the dazed look on my face. She hasn't even seen me yet.

I walk over to her, "Lily, what's going on?" and in a stage whisper, "I thought we were keeping this a secret?" I see the shock on her face, I put my arm around her shoulders.

"James," she places her arm around my waist – the look in her eyes clearly say this-is-for-show-nothing-more-don't-get-excited, "I know but you make me happy," she improvises, "I want to tell the world, admittedly it's a bit embarrassing after all the years of arguing, but you know I abhor lying…" she trails off and leans in as if she's about to kiss me…

I hear the shocked whispering in the crowd but I don't process it. Real or fake, this is the moment I've waited for since I was first partnered with her in transfiguration in fourth year.

There's a hard look in her eye, she's determined to see this through.

"Mr Potter, Miss Evans," I hear a sharp voice, my nose is touching hers, "PDAs."

Oh crap. McGonagall.

A/N: so there it is. Sorry it took so long. Thanks to all my loyal reviewers I keep writing for you so please review guys! 

Go on press the button – you know you wanna! Hope you enjoyed. If you have any ideas or suggestions or constructive criticism please don't hesitate.

**Fifi xxx**


	10. i touch the place where ill find ur face

A/N: Wow – chapter 10, I'm so proud. Thank you all for reviewing, it does mean a lot to me!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is no more mine than it is yours (unless your J.K.Rowling)

**Dedication: the Soul brothers. Your family paid in more than just lives.**

Chapter 10 

"You are Head Girl and Head Boy! You are expected to lead by example. Miss Evans I expected more of you –" Lily bows her head in shame, gee thanks Minnie, you don't expect better from me. I'm not quite sure whether to be offended or not.

"Mr Potter, surprisingly enough this is the first time I've had to have this chat with you –" Lily raises her eyebrows and gives me a surprised and questioning look, "however it seems this is the one thing you do not have in common with Mr Black since we have this chat almost weekly. At least you have the grace to look ashamed! Still I don't want this to become habit for you. You've grown up a great deal this year, Professor Dumbledore and myself are proud to have you as Head Boy. I don't want you ruining your newfound reputation. Public Displays of Affection may not seem like a very big deal to you," she pauses, a well practised, showy pause, "sexually active teenagers," ew she had to say it didn't she. That was a bigger turn off that Michelle Midgen's acne. I see the colour rush into Lily's cheeks, "but it is inappropriate behaviour for the hallways. I must also advise that the Head Boy and Girl being an item is not always for the best. I'm sure you can imagine why. Both being in positions of authority makes it vital that you set a good example to the school."

And so she continued for an hour…

"This is the first time I've had to have this chat with either of you so I will not be punishing you for what I believe was a temporary lapse in common sense. I hope you have both learnt your lesson. Mr Potter you are free to go. Miss Evans, would you be so kind as to allow me a private word?" I gave Lily a small smile and left quickly and quietly.

Dear Merlin that was awkward – but why on earth would she want to speak to Lily. I would have thought she would have been wanting to give me the _"stop corrupting Miss Evans and leading her astray" _talk or something.

I think I'll wait for Lily to come out – a good boyfriend wouldn't just walk off and leave her! Anyway Allingham might be hanging around, and I need to talk to her about what was going on earlier. She must have been pretty desperate to tell him I was her boyfriend. It's common knowledge she hates me! This whole thing has great potential to ruin her reputation as a Marauder-hater.

"Congratulations Potter, I heard you finally got the girl," I hear some fellow seventh year say, clapping me on the back as he walks past.

After what seems like hours Lily emerges from McGonagall's office with a flushed look on her face.

"Lily," I hear myself say, touching her gently on the elbow. She shakes her head, her read tresses flying around, awakening herself from her reverie.

"James," she mutters, still not quite with it. I place my hand on her elbow once more, a little more firmly, guiding her down the almost deserted hallway.

"I need to talk to you James, privately," she looks at me and I nod, "back to our common room?"

"Hang on a tic," I turn away from her, I can feel her curious eyes burning into my back, right between my shoulder blades. I try to ignore her, and whip out the Marauder's Map.

"Mischief managed," I turn back to her, "no I reckon Sirius and Moony are still in there."

"Well where are we going to go? Just boot them out. And how do you know anyway?"

"Nah, I have a better idea – I'll tell you later," we begin to walk down the hallway, my arm is wrapped protectively around her shoulders. Our every curve moulds together, almost as if our bodies were built to fit each other.

&&&&&

James and Lily stood looking at a blank stretch of wall. They were on the seventh floor opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. Lily had a contempt etched into every line of her face.

"Potter, for Merlin's sake what on earth are we doing here? I thought we were going to talk," Lily said, she was getting more annoyed by the second. _And what was Pothead doing? Walking back and forth by that stretch of wall with his eyes closed! Men! I to think I thought he'd grown up this year! _

"Pott-" she started to shout before she saw the door appear in the wall, "Oh, well that I was not expecting."

"Shall we?" James was holding open the door for her, ushering her in, in an almost gentlemanly manner.

"What is this place?"

"The Room of Requirement, the come and go room. It supplies you with whatever you need at a particular time. A hiding place, a supply closet, a rubbish dump, a toilet or in our case a place to chat."

"Oh, sorry. So are you gonna tell me how you know where the Marauders are all the time? And how that old piece of parchment relates to your secret?"

James laughed, "there's no getting out of things with you is there? I'll tell you, because I trust you and you know about Remus, but you have to keep it secret. Oh, and you have to promise that you'll tell me everything that went on earlier – including McGonagall. Those are my terms," James smiled that wide toothy smile, that made girls trip up in the corridor and _used_ to make Lily stark raving mad.

"Terms accepted, please begin," Lily replied in her most formal voice, but she couldn't suppress a slight snigger at the end.

"Well, you know how the Marauders like to play the occasional practical joke," Lily snorted derisively, James took no notice and continued breezily, "well it helps to know where people are, so as not to get caught by Filch or McGonagall. The obvious thing to do is to put people on guard but Peter is rubbish at being discreet and quite clumsy, so if you need two people on guard that leaves one person which isn't always enough. We got to thinking that we needed a map, a map which shows where people are – labelled, the secret passageways, which is unplottable and unreadable. Except of course to the Marauders."

"But that's practically impossible, that must have taken such advanced magic."

"Trust, it did. We slaved away, the three of us in our room for hours on end with only books to help us. Nearly drove Padfoot insane. We got there eventually though and here it is," James waved the parchment in the air.

"Wow, I'm impressed, first an animagus and now this," Lily looked shocked, she knew the boys were clever when they set their minds to it but the scale of what they had managed to achieve in six years finally hit her. Animagi – that's seriously advanced magic and so would all the charms for the map be, and they did that all before they even took their OWLs.

To put it simply, Lily was astounded.

James interrupted her thoughts, "Okay, I kept my side of the deal now you keep yours."

"Oh yeah. Well basically you know Ken, he's an annoying, arrogant twat. He kept on going on and on at me, wanting us to get back together. Probably to restore his reputation. I don't know how it happened quite, it sort of just came out. The only thing that seemed to get him of my back was "I've got a boyfriend" and then well… you were there and I hoped you'd play along – which you did – so now we are "dating." How do you feel about that bit?"

James rolled his eyes at the last question, "this isn't a counselling session dear!" he smiled and then frowned, "I think you're right, I overheard Allingham in the corridor the other day, and well, he sort of said you were easy. Don't get upset – he's a waste of space. That's probably why he kept pushing it, he thought you'd give in. As for the last bit well I suppose I could pretend for a bit," James said in his snottiest, most arrogant voice with a cheeky smile, "what's in it for me though?" he added with a wink. 

"You get people coming up to you congratulating you on finally getting Lily Evans. Just remember this doesn't look great for me I've spent my entire time at Hogwarts bad-mouthing you to anyone who'll listen, I'm going to have to take a great deal of stick for this."

"Should of thought about that then shouldn't you," James stuck his tongue out.

Lily followed suit.

"Okay, I'll go along with it – because I'm such a great guy – but I'm going to tell Padfoot and Moony what's going on though."

"Okay, fair do's. I'll probably tell Alice and maybe Nellie – if she promises not to shout her mouth off! What about Peter, you going to tell him?

"Nah, it's probably not a good idea. Poor guy'll do anything to be popular – he'll tell everyone. Where is Pete though? I haven't seen him in ages."

"Don't ask me – he's your partner in crime!"

"True dat, true dat. I dunno, he's just never around anymore – maybe he's found himself a new set of friends," Lily snorted, "don't be harsh! It's a possibility – albeit a slim one, but a possibility none the less."

"You three are always horrible about him!" Lily smiled.

"Yeah – but we're his brothers," James made a face with 'duh' written clearly all over it, "anyway, now you know The Marauders deepest darkest secrets that technically means you can become an Honorary Marauder!"

Lily arched her eyebrows, "an Honorary Marauder, what might that entail?"

"You get to help us with pranks; you get to have a Marauder nickname; you may sometimes be able to use the Marauders Map; you may be called on for advice; and you have the honour of being associated with the most famous clique in the school," Prongs recited, "That's all I can think of for now – there may be more, I'd have to consult Padfoot's rulebook."

"One – a nickname? Two – woohoo pranks, my favourite activity! Three – I'm already associated with you, as being your worst enemy. Four – you have a rulebook?"

"Padfoot does, he takes this stuff seriously," James shrugged and, upon seeing Lily's sceptical expression, added, "he didn't have an easy childhood."

"Ooookay, slightly worried about the big shaggy dog," Lily laughed, "Merlin! We've been here for – like – over an hour! Wow, who knew Evans could have a civilised conversation with Potter without them pissing each other off once?"

"I guess we beat our current record of about five minutes without strangling each other."

"Well maybe that's because you've stopped being such an arse this year," Lily half joked.

"That would be funny if it wasn't true, well I could say that it's a relief you've stopped being such an insufferable know-it-all this year, but I'd be lying because I never saw that."

"Let me guess, you heard it plenty though," Lily laughed, "seriously though, I'm glad you stopped asking me out this year – but I'm also glad that you're Head Boy. If you weren't I wouldn't have had the chance to get to know you."

James smiled sadly, "I guess I just got bored of constant rejection. Anyway – so how exactly is this fake dating thing going to work exactly?"

"I haven't really thought about it. Like I said it was a spare of the moment thing. I guess we just act like we're dating for a bit. Hold hands; hang out a bit more; sit with each other in some classes and at meal times. You get the idea," Lily shrugged, "I know it's a lot to ask but just for a couple of weeks."

"It's okay – as you know, I'll go to any lengths to protect a friend."

Lily smiled, that beautiful radiant smile, "we should head back."

"Cool beans," Prongs replied with a cheeky smile.

The two walked out of the come and go room and closed the door behind them, taking their new found friendship with them. Lily checked her watch and exclaimed, "Blast-ended Skrewt – we're out after curfew. We're meant to be setting a good example, especially after today. What if we get caught – McGonagall will slaughter us!"

"It's fine, don't worry. We'll just say that we got our shifts confused with the prefects tonight and we thought that they said they needed a swap," James said confidently.

The two snuck back to their common room, with a little help from the Marauders Map they didn't meet anybody on the way. Prongs was painfully aware of everytime his fingers brushed against Lily's or their hips bumped. He knew he had no excuse for grabbing her hand and squeezing it since nobody was around, so he resisted the urge.

However, Lily was more concerned with how her friends would take the news that she was dating her worst enemy. Would they be mad that she had kept such a thing from them? She wasn't worried about Alice and Nellie since they would know the truth – but the rest she would hate it if they were mad.

Lily scrambled through the portrait hole in a most un-lady-like fashion and James hopped through easily behind her. Lily started to head towards the stairs to the bedrooms.

"Wait a second, Lils," James called out with a mischievous grin on his face.

"Yeah," Lily said sleepily.

"You didn't keep your end of the bargain."

"What?"

"You promised me that you'd tell me what went on earlier AND what happened with McGonagall if I told you about the map. You didn't tell me what happened."

A flush appeared on Lily's ivory face, "well, I think maybe that's a story for another day…" Lily mumbled.

"A deal is a deal Lilykins," James cried chirpily.

"I'm tired, you've kept me up half the night talking and a girl needs her beauty-"

"I'm waiting Lily," Prongs cut her off mercilessly.

"Okay, but its really not all that interesting y'know."

"Just begin you big fat time waster," James smiled and flopped himself down on the sofa.

Lily sighed and fell into the armchair – this was going to be one LONG night…

A/N: So there it is. Sorry it took forever. This chapter didn't flow all that well. Sorry most of it is conversation but it was kind of necessary for Lily and James to start building up their relationship – and what better way than by good ol' fashioned conversation?

**Please review – I love it and I do take the time out of my busy schedule to reply. Thanks to all my loyal reviewers please keep it up – I bother to sit down and write pages upon pages of writing for you. Hugs and kisses for all of you – xxxx**

**Go on – press the button. We all know you want to…**

**Fifi xxx**


	11. the circle of life

Wow, it's been a long time I know and I can only apologize

Wow, it's been a long time I know and I can only apologize. It's no excuse but I have been so busy over the last few months but hopefully things are starting to slow down now.

**Thanks to all who read and review, hopefully you will continue to do so.**

**Dedication: to the boy who sees fit to hold me upside-down by the ankles every time he sees me. Love you too Harry.**

**Without further ado:**

Chapter 11Lily's POV

I was right it was destined to be a long night, but not for the reasons I had expected.

"Come on Lily – spill, I know you want to," James pleaded.

"I said okay," I told him, finding the situation slightly amusing, "but you have to promise not to laugh."

"I promise," he told me with this massive grin on his face and his hand on his heart.

"Well, you have to understand…" I started.

There was knock on the portrait leading into our common room. The two exchanged bemused expression. Who on earth was that? And who knocks on portraits anyway? It was two in the morning. The most likely suspect would be Sirius but he knew the password.

"Probably just Padfoot, trying to freak us out," James said as if he could read my mind. He heaved himself up out of his armchair, and after seeing the look on my face added, "well you don't look like you're moving anytime soon."

There was another knock as James opened the portrait… and there stood McGonagall!

"Jeez Minnie, you really know how to make an entrance in the middle of the night don't you!"

She didn't flinch, her face was grim but she made no comment about the abbreviated use of her first name.

"Professor," I started – why on earth was she here? "We were just heading to bed. If this is about being out late then…" I trailed off. The look on her face said that she wasn't here for a nice conversation about guinea pigs. On the other hand though she didn't look angry either.

"Mr Potter," she spoke up after what seemed like hours of silence, "James," she began again, and that's when I knew that things were serious.

The grin slid off his face – she _never_ used first names.

"I just received an owl," the colour drained from his cheeks.

"No," he shook his head in disbelief, "n-no, my parents – are they okay? My dad, mum?" I had never seen that kind of vulnerability in his face before.

"Your mother and father are okay, a few bumps and bruises – nothing life threatening," she reassured him, but the grim smile on her face told me there was more to come.

"James, your parents _are_ in St. Mungo's just being checked out, but I really came here to tell you…" she trailed off. I wondered what on earth it was that cold, hard, to-the-point Minerva McGonagall was finding so hard to spit out.

"This is hard for me to say to you, but your grandfather, you grandfather – he's…"

"Dead," I heard a small voice finish for her. If I hadn't of seen his lips move I wouldn't have believed it was him.

"Y-yes," McGonagall stuttered.

"What happened?" James asked, the strength returning to his voice.

"Death Eaters, your parents held them off admirably but Bill – Bill caught a flying curse and died im-immediately," there were tears in McGonagall's eyes and her hair had come loose of its usual severe bun.

I was speechless and thoroughly confused. It wasn't like McGonagall to cry or be distraught like this over a student's misfortunes.

"You went to school with him didn't you?"

"Yes, we were – we were close," ooooooohhhhhhh was all I could think.

"He used to talk about you. "You watch out for Minnie – not a thing gets past her." Or "brilliant witch our Minerva – always top of the class she was,"" James said lost in his memories, the tears welled up in his eyes, "I should find Sirius, he'll want to know," he said rubbing his eyes furiously. McGonagall's face softened briefly.

"Of course," she said resuming her usual briskness, "I presume you'll be wanting to go to St. Mungo's to see your parents?" James nodded affirmative.

"And Miss Evans will be coming with you?"

I had forgotten I was actually in the room with them, the whole situation felt like a memory I was watching in Dumbledore's penseive. I found my voice.

"Oh no – I don't want to intrude."

James turned to me, "will you come? Please?" his wide eyes and pale countenance induced me to nod my head. How could I not when he was going through hell?

"Okay, you can all floo from my office. I'll let you go and fetch Mr Black and I shall meet you all in my office," it was if she had not been grieving for an old friend just moments before.

"Do you want me to come with you, or would you like me to wait with Professor McGonagall?" I inquired tentatively.

"I want you to come with me, but you had better not. I should do this alone. Sirius will probably want a moment or two alone."

"Okay – I'll come with you if I may Professor?" she inclined her head.

"I'll just get my wand from my room," James started. I frowned, he had his wand with him, he hadn't been back to his room this evening.

"You go on back to the office and I'll be there as quickly as I can."

McGonagall nodded her head in silent assent, it was like the poor woman was in a trance. She could barely speak – I had never seen her like this. It felt weird but I put my hand on her arm and gently guided her out of the portrait hole and down the corridor in silence. She must have been pretty close to Bill Potter to be this upset.

&

James' POV

I watched Lily guiding Professor McGonagall out of the portrait hole. Poor Lily she must be so confused yet she doesn't show it and just looks after everyone. I sigh – her behaviour just makes me love her more.

I head up the circular stairwell to the door with the sign "Junior Sex God" and push it open without a thought. I head to my desk and rummage around looking for an old bit of parchment. These are the times when I wish I could summon the Maruaders Map.

I find it, tucked into the inside cover of my diary (as I now know it is called).

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," I recite quickly, I watch the words and the dots and the secret passageways and everything else appear before me. I search desperately for the dot labelled "Sirius Black."

And there he is, third floor corridor broom cupboard. Trust Black.

I chuck the map onto my bed and desperately start searching my desk again. With no success, I turn to the trunk lying open at the foot of my bed. With a bit more rummaging I find what I'm looking for, a old small mirror, tucked into the inside pocket of a set of school robes.

"Sirius Black," I say talking into the mirror like a fool, "Sirius Black I say again."

I hear a noise and the head and shoulders of my shaggy haired best friend pop into the mirror.

"Mate what are you doing?" he asked drowsily, "I've told you, know disturbing me when I'm with the lady folk unless its an emergency," he winks and runs a hand through his tousled hair.

"Well it is an emergency Padfoot, we've…"

"What is Lilykins mad at poor ickle Prongs again?" Sirius teases. I can feel myself losing my patience.

"No, mate" I say through gritted teeth.

"Aww is ickle Prongs upset now?"

"Yeah he is, coz Pop's dead," I say finally snapping, "and if you give a shit then meet me in McGonagall's office in five minutes so we can floo to St. Mungo's."

I chuck the mirror onto my bed and pick up the map, I find the dot marked "Sirius Black" again and watch it move down the third floor corridor at such speed as suggests that he's running.

I feel a pang of guilt. I shove the map and the mirror in a pocket and grab cloak. I think twice and grab two cloaks. Sirius won't have one.

I look around my room again, I don't think there is anything else I need. I turn and run out of my room, down the stairs, across the common room and out of the portrait hole and make my way to McGonagall's office.

&

Lily's POV

Where are they? What's taking them so long?

After half carrying McGonagall to her office I really don't feel like spending along time with her.

Poor James, he must be distraught, from what I've heard he's really close to his Granddad.

"Sorry Lily," McGonagall begins as I turn a delicate shade of pink, "this is just quite a shock for me. I haven't seen Bill in years but we were close when we were younger. We were Head Boy and Girl like yourself and Mr Potter." She said quietly.

Who'd have thought, Minerva McGonagall opening up to me about her past. And all of a sudden everything she was saying to me earlier makes sense.

The door opened, and in walked James and Sirius who look suspiciously like they've been running.

Minnie looks up and puts on a brave face, "right well you had all better get going. Wish your parents well for me won't you Mr Potter and pass on, pass on m-my… condolences."

"Don't worry, I will. Are you sure you wouldn't like to come with us Professor?" James asks quietly, his face is still pale with worry and I know that he won't rest until he's made sure his parents are quite well.

"No no, I have a job to do, and you don't need me there as a chaperone." She looks at me pointedly, though I'm not quite sure why, "Mr Black, are you in possession of a cloak? Did you not think to bring one?"

"Oh – I," he stuttered as James shoved one into his arms.

"Well its fortunate that your fellow Marauder keeps his head clear in times of distress."

"Are you sure you want me to come? I really don't want to intrude," I ask.

"No please stay," James answers quickly, "I want, I want you there. But if _you'd_ rather stay…"

"No of course I'll come, I just thought," I trailed off.

"Well then, you better get going then, hadn't you?" McGonagall said.

And so, one by one we stepped into the green flames and called out "St. Mungo's Hospital."

A/N: And there it is, I started writing out this chapter ages ago when I was babysitting but I never typed it up.

**I really am going to make the effort to try and get the next chapter up as soon as possible.**

**Please review, it really means the world to me, and I wouldn't have ever gotten around to writing this chapter if you guys didn't review. I only really write for all of you.**

**Fifi**

**xXx**


	12. everybody needs a bosom for a pillow

Disclaimer: you know it bro - I don't own HP, wish I did though

**Disclaimer: you know it bro - I don't own HP, wish I did though. **

**Dedication: my loyal reviewers, especially lionesseyes13, you're the reason I write this.**

Chapter 12

I walked up to the reception desk at St. Mungo's as it was clear James was in no state to do so himself. Sirius stood beside him, neither talking, both lost in their own thoughts.

"Next!" called the welcome witch at the front desk, so I stepped forward.

"Hi, I'm looking for Mr and Mrs Potter please," I told the not-so-welcoming-witch.

"Who Potter?" she asks in a droll tone.

"Oh right… um, uh," I'd never referred to them as anything other than Mr and Mrs Potter.

"Ella and Benedict Potter," I hear a voice behind me. Sirius.

"Fourth floor, ward C," the welcome witch tells us.

"Thanks," I turn around, "where's James?"

"Sitting – over here, c'mon," Sirius grasps my elbow and steers me towards a small row of seats. I spy James, sitting with his head in his arms, "maybe you should take care of this one – he's not exactly happy with me at the moment."

&

I feel a hand on my knee and another on my arm. I look up and she's kneeling in front of me. Her hair is wild and slightly ashy from fire, her face is pale and her eyes wide. She looks just like an angel.

She reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck and just holds me. It's the most powerful hug I've ever felt and I just sit there with my forhead on her shoulder and my arms wrapped protectively around her body. I never want to let her go.

I saw a pair of legs in front of me when I looked up, presumably belonging to Padfoot. I still felt bad about earlier.

"Hey mate? D'you wanna head on up to seem mum and dad? I'll be up in a minute. They'll be stoked to see you."

Padfoot looked pretty shocked I was addressing him, as if he had forgotten he was in the waiting area with us, "oh well, I think they'll probably want to see you first Prongs, I mean after all…" he trailed off. I knew what he was thinking, he was always thinking it even though he'd been living with us since he turned sixteen.

"Sirius, mate, you need to get it into that thick skull of yours that they love you just as much as they love me. You're a second son to them, I'll be up in five minutes I just don't want to be in a state when I see them."

"Are you sure?" I nodded, "okay well I guess I'll see you up there then – it's level four ward C," he looked uncertain but he turned and walked away all the same.

Lily moved into the seat next to me, "are you alright?" she asked me, "sorry stupid question."

"No I'm okay, I just need a minute. I think it's just hitting me that's all. Sirius and I were close to Pop, but I don't want my parents to see me like this. They'll be upset enough as it is."

She nods her head and leans her head against my shoulder. I can't help but think that this is a big change from last year when she barely even spoke to me if she could help it. Now here she was, comforting me and giving out voluntary hugs, this was just another sign of how much our lives were changing now.

&

Sirius' POV

4th Floor, Ward C. Here I am. I'm looking through the little window in the door and I can see Ella and Ben. I should go in, but I'm not sure I can face it. I feel like I have no right to be so upset.

Well James told me to go in, so here goes. I push open the door, it's heavier than I thought. I walk to the end of the ward where I can see the two of them sitting up in their beds, looking thoroughly drained.

"How are you feeling?" I want to cry, I hate seeing the most generous family in the world in so much pain, but I'm Sirius Black – I don't cry.

"We're okay, a few bumbs and bruises but nothing permenant. How are you? Jamie?" Ella answered, putting on a brave smile that didn't quite seem to reach her eyes.

"Okay, Prongs is downstairs in the waiting room. He was a bit shaken up, he just wanted a moment so he told me to come on up," I forgot they call him Jamie, they always have, they always will.

"By himself?" Ben asks.

"Oh no, I forgot to say, Lily – Lily Evans – is with him. James asked her to come. I think he just wanted a bit of outside support. "

I hear footsteps, Prongs has arrived. He gives his parents a hug and suddenly I feel so stupid for not having thought of that. See that's the difference between a real son like Prongs and a half-adopted son like me. He knows – instantly – what to do and what to say to make his parent's feel better.

"Sirius, come here dear," I come out of my reverie and see Ella beckoning me forwards. I oblige and find myself wrapped in her arms, the arms that have kept me safe since I ran away from home. Suddenly it all catches up with me and before I know it I can feel the tears leaking out from under my closed eyelids and rolling down my face to land on Ella's gowned shoulder. She just holds me tighter than ever and that's when I know. I know that my home is with the Potters, and I'll always be wanted there.

After what seems like enough time for a house elf to have killed his master and run away with his riches I straighten up and look around. I see James seated next to his father, deep in conversation together and seat myself next to his mother.

However, there's something missing. I can just feel it. It hits me and I look around for the familiar red hair and emerald eyes but I don't see them.

"James," I tap him on the shoulder, he twists around in his seat, "where's Lily?" I didn't even call her Evans.

"She's waiting outside, she insisted. You know how she is – didn't want to intrude etc," I just nodded in silence. He looked at me for a moment, longer than strictly necessary, "mate – I just wanted to say… I'm really sorry about earlier. That was no way to tell you."

"I was being a prick, I'm sorry too – I need to stop being such a womanising bastard anyway so maybe it was the wakeup call I needed. I think I'm going to have a word with _Evans."_

He nods and I get up, I give Ella's shoulder a reassuring squeeze (well at least what I think is reassuring) and heave myself out of my chair.

&

Lily's POV

I don't quite get it. I'm sitting here on this uncomfortable, lime green, plastic seat outside ward C and I'm shaking all over. I feel like it's _my_ grandfather whose died. I didn't even know Bill Potter so I don't understand why this is getting me like this. Downstairs I don't know what happened, before I knew it my arms were around him and he was crying gently into my shoulder. Since when did I, Lily Evans, voluntarily hug James Potter? I don't even know why I'm here, why James _wants_ me here. He's got Sirius – I mean Black – so why was he so adamant that I come? Then again, tonight's just been weird all around I mean:

I pretend I'm going out with James – who is incidently supposed to be my worst enemy.

I get called into McGonagall's office for a chat on PDAs and how we should keep our private lives private blah blah blah…

Then I stay up until two in the morning chatting to James about Marauder stuff (and speaking of that he promised me a nickname!)

McGonagall enters set and tells us that Bill Potter is dead.

I have to practically carry McGonagall back to her office.

Then I have to sit there feeling awkward waiting for James and Sirius.

I find myself at St. Mungo's talking to the not-so-bloody-welcoming-witch.

I end up clinging to James desperately and getting the shoulder of my robes _soaking _in the process.

Finally I end up sitting on this frickin' seat (I mean _lime green_ who does that?) contemplating my life.

I have just realised I _never_ call James Potter or Pothead anymore, when did that happen? Enough of the rhetorical questions Lil.

Bloomin'eck who actually has a night this hectic except in the cinema?

And to top it off, here comes Black.

He sighs audibly (who actually sighs that loud? STOP WITH THE RHETORICAL QUESTIONS LIL!).

"James is with his parents," he says, "I just wondered how you were doing?"

"Okay, I mean fine. Afterall what right do I have to be upset about this? I mean I'm just here for moral support it's not like it's _my_ grandfather who's just died," I say trying to convince myself more than Sirius. He winces, "sorry – I didn't mean it like that, it's just that…"

"It's okay. I mean – it's fine to be shaken up by this. Sorta put things in perspective if you know what I mean. Pop was amazing, we were pretty close – he was like my own grandfather," he pauses then hastens, "Not actually like _my _grandfather because he's a pro-pureblood freak, but like _a _grandfather to me. He sort of took me under his wing – he was a bit of a… prankster… in his time. Sorry I know that isn't your thing…" he trailed off.

"That's cool. Actually according to James I'm an honorary member now since I know about the map and the furry little problem," I summoned a smile from God knows where.

"YOU KNOW ABOUT THE MAP!" Padfoot all but bellowed.

"Chill, I'm not going to be telling anyone. James and I were talking after our little run in with McGonagall this evening and he told me stuff and I told him stuff. So apparently I'm and "honorary member" and I'm owed a nickname and other stuff which I had to see you about because you have the rule book."

"Right – well since you mention it, it actually says in the rule book that a marauder is forbidden from telling the clique's secrets without the express permission of the majority of the group. So really James should be punished for telling you about the map," Sirius said with completely serious face, I hadn't realised his childhood had been quite so bad.

"Well if James should be punished shouldn't Remus be too since he told me about his furry little problem which is one of the secrets the Marauders have promised to guard," I countered, to which Sirius seemed quite abashed.

"Well… we better come up with nickname then hadn't we?"

We sat there contemplating the ceiling or the floor for a few minutes in silence (well that's what I was doing) before Sirius broke the spell.

"You know I think this is the longest conversation we've ever had without me chucking stuff at you from about the second minute."

"I think tonight's a night for records all round," I replied softly, "who knew I could get on with the Marauders so well. Excluding Peter, he's just weird."

"Well you don't need to tell me that twice. Poor guy, we couldn't just leave him out, he didn't have any other friends. I don't what he does most of the time nowadays though, we hardly ever see the boy. It's weird coz when we ask him where he's going he always uses the same excuses like "my mum's ill" and those are the excuses Moony always used to use when it was his time of the month," Sirius had a frown on his face. I couldn't help but let out a slight snigger. Black gave me the evils.

"Sorry it's just "it's his time of the month," never thought I'd hear that about a guy that's all," his look didn't soften so I stopped sniggering, "but now I think about it, it is weird. He hasn't come to the common room once when I've been there except when James first invited you over."

I saw Sirius open his mouth to say something but I never had the chance to hear it because the ward's door opened and James walked out.

"No arguments yet?" he asked with a smile on his face, but somehow the smile was all teeth and no heart, "well maybe there's hope for us yet gang."

Sirius and I smiled and nodded, I could see the pain just visible at the back of his eyes, and I knew Sirius could to.

"Mum and dad want to meet you Lils," James informed me.

"Oh, oh right. Um – wow this is like "meet the parents time" I've got to make a good first impression while being myself. It doesn't help that I've got ash in my hair and no makeup on and I'm wearing a grubby school uniform. Still hopefully they'll just like me for me."

"Don't worry, Lils they'll love you!" James and Sirius cried at the same time.

"Oh did I just say that out loud?" both boys nodded, "ah crap."

"C'mon Lils, they're dying to meet you."

And with that we stepped through the door, me in the middle with Potter and Black on either side, and I don't know why or how. But somehow, it just felt right. Being there in the middle of those two, like it's the place where I'd always belonged.

A/N: wow so I'm finished. I hope you enjoyed it and there was enough emotion in it. I think Lily's been really shaken up by what's happened. She sort of really just remembered that with the war going on she doesn't necessarily have forever. So it's definitely a turning point for her.

**Please REVIEW, I swear I wouldn't bother writing this if people didn't it's the only way I know you're still enjoying it. Your advice is always welcome and I will always reply. Even if it just says "good" or "could use some work" whatever.**

**REVIEW. NOW**

**Fifi **

**xXx**


	13. getting closer

A/N: sorry it's been a while

**A/N: sorry it's been a while. I'm on half term this week so I'm going to try and spit out a couple of chapters. I can barely write this because I got **_**so **_**battered when paintballing yesterday. My shoulders stiff, I've got lumps on my head (so sorry if my writing is rubbish!), I'm convinced I've got shell shock :P and I've got these round, red bruises all over my back, arms and legs. But other than that I'm GRAND. Enough of my complaining.**

**Also thankyou to everyone who has helped me reach 50 reviews, I'm so chuffed. Since this is my first fanfic it actually is a massive achievement. Next stop 100 :D please take the time to read and review.**

**Dedication: all members of the army, navy, air force, marines (anybody who goes to war :S) what you do/did is incredibly brave. Our country would be heck-knows-where without you.**

**Disclaimer: Yes I hold my hands up, I'm J.K Rowling and the world is flat :D haha**

**Enjoy:**

Chapter 13

I step into that ward (4th floor ward C) and I brush a quick hand through my hair and over my robes. I am painfully aware of my slightly reddened eyes and my unbrushed, tousled tresses. I cannot understand why I am so terrified, after all it is just _Potter's _parents I am meeting, not some husband-to-be's. Or is it? Is he really _just _Potter now, or he is (God forbid!) a friend. I tell myself he is still my enemy and I am just trying to get along with him for the sake of a good head-partnership. It does not do the school any good to have the Head Boy and Girl at each other's throats all the time. But then I realise just being civil does not entail staying up to the early hours of the morning talking, or meeting the parents. It's weird because it is getting to the point where I cannot even pretend to myself that we are just being civil.

&

Mrs Ella Potter's POV

She walks into the ward and all heads automatically swivel in her direction. Her fiery red locks are slightly windswept and I can see the nervousness in her eyes even though she is doing her best to conceal it with a polite, modest smile. She has my two boys walking either side of her and I see her silently reach for Jamie's hand. He squeezes her fingers and that is when I know.

I know why Jamie raves about her 24/7 as if she is the best thing since sliced bread.

I know why he does not give up. Why he kept on asking and asking in the hope she would eventually fall in love with him.

The reason why?

Because she is the one. I can see it in her eyes, the way she gives him that small it'll-be-okay smile. I can see it in the hand which she runs through her hair and over her robes in an attempt to smarten up. I can see it in the thumb that she runs over his hand and returns the comforting squeeze with.

"You must be the infamous Lily Evans," I say, "we've heard so much about you from our boys. I feel like I know you personally already."

She blushes and releases Jamie's hand, "I've heard a fair bit about you as well over the past six years. I didn't think I'd ever meet you in person at four in the morning though, with my hair unbrushed and dirty robes on," she lets out a nervous laugh and the four of us join in with her. When it dies down we are left with an awkward silence, I can see her struggling with herself. As if there is something she wishes to say.

"I – I, I'm so, deeply sorry to hear of your loss," she stutters out at last, her fingers are twitching in her lap and I can see how much this is affecting her as well as the rest of us, "Professor McGonagall, she'd want me to send her condolences as well. She was so shocked and saddened by the news – I've never seen her like that," I can tell she thinks she has said the wrong thing.

"Thank you, that means a lot," my husband steps in quickly, seeing the anguish in her features, "Minerva was close to my father. They were at school together, they were particularly close. Dad always had a fair bit to say about, "Minnie this, Minnie that,"" he chuckles, "reminds me of his grandson," Jamie turns beetroot red at this, as does Lily – she clearly understands the insinuation.

"Ben, stop teasing. Thanks Lily. Bill was pretty sick anyway but it was still quite a shock for all of us. It's been a pretty scary day for all concerned," I give her what I hope is my most reassuring smile.

Jamie clears his throat behind her, "Siri – Sirius and I were going to get some coffee, weren't we mate?" Sirius looks confused for a second before catching on.

"Right, yes we were. Five coffees coming up," they stumble up out of their chairs and Lily looks around frantically.

"Oh, I should come with you," she says quickly, still not quite getting it.

"Oh no, don't worry, we've got it covered," Sirius puts in, "you stay here with Ella and Ben," he smiles at her – this big, cheesy grin, and I can practically hear her brain working it out for her.

The boys leave the room and the three of us are left, "I really need the loo, I can trust that you two will get along while I'm gone can't I?" my husband enquires.

We nod and smile, and without waiting a second longer my coward of a husband leaves the room! There is this awkward silence between us. Lily sits there, still as ice quietly contemplating her feet.

"And then there were two," I say quietly.

"And then there were two," she agrees nodding her head slowly. And I don't know what it is, but for absolutely no reason other the absolute silliness of the occasion we both burst out in hysterics. Once we quieten down once more I look at her, really look at her.

"Jamie…" I begin, not sure where I'm heading with this, "he, he really loves you – you know? I never really believed that until today," I can see this has made her uncomfortable and I feel bad about it.

"I hated him, he was everything I despised. I really shouldn't be saying this to his mother. I promised myself we'd be worst enemies forever. When I found out he was Head Boy I…" she smiled and let out a deep sigh, "well, I flipped. I don't know, I've just been spending a fair bit of time with him lately, and he hasn't been asking me out and we've just chatted. I think, without realising it, I've befriended my worst enemy."

I nod, it's a story that is familiar to me, I smile, "I think… now I may be wrong – but I think you fell for the Potter charm. Happened to me after all."

She smiles, blushes and looks down into her lap, "James and I, we will _never _be more than friends. We just aren't compatible!"

"Well stranger things have happened. I won't contradict you though, maybe you will maybe you won't – never say never," I smile and she smiles back. I know that the conversation is light-hearted and though she is listening and thinking about what I'm saying it's not something that will come between us, "Jamie talks so much about you. I hope we can be friends?"

"I think I'd like that, after all if I'm an honorary Marauder I'll probably be seeing a fair bit more of you!"

"Sorry?"

"Oh nothing, just a little joke between _Prongs, Padfoot _and I. It feels weird calling them that," she pauses, "I must admit – I am wondering if your husband has some kind of…_problem_ since he's taking an awful long time in the loo!" we both start to laugh and when the boys walk in a few minutes later we are still laughing.

Operation meet Lily Evans: Resounding Success!

&

Lily's POV

"I've got it!" Sirius shouts one day, around a week after that evening. James still isn't quite his normal self, he's grieving for his grandfather – as is Sirius – but both prefer to act normally.

"Well don't give it to me then," Remus replies drolly, barely even looking up from his book.

"Ha Ha Ha," Sirius replies, "blossom!" he declares standing on an armchair in the Head's Common Room.

"Give it a few months and it will," I say, finding the situation amusing. I'm interested to know what in Merlin's name he's going on about. Last year, or even a couple of months ago, I would have found this behaviour extremely irritating (and declared Sirius a womanising-attention-seeking-bastard) but now I just find it amusing.

"No! Lily's nickname… _blossom!_"

"I'm still not following," Remus says, throwing down his book in mock irritation.

"Well… Lily's an honorary Marauder, she knows our closely guarded secrets, and one of the privileges of being an honorary Marauder is having a nickname. I've been thinking about it for weeks and I've just got it. Lily is a flower. Flowers _blossom!_" Sirius smiled smugly.

"I'd forgotten about that," James and I reply. Peter still looks like he's woken up in Australia dancing with koala's and Remus just shakes his head and says, "he had a hard childhood," quietly to himself.

"Does anyone else have any suggestions?" Sirius shouts in his best salesman's voice, "speak now or forever call her blossom," when no one replies, "going once, twice, thrice. I now rename you Blossom!" He taps me on each shoulder and then the head, as if he's knighting me. I roll my eyes discreetly at James (or should I say Prongs) and then turn to _Padfoot _and clap my hands with glee.

"Right, well I'm off to the library kids. I'll see you later," I heave myself of the sofa I was so comfortably seated on.

"I'll come with you," Remus pipes up, "I've got to do some research for that moonstones essay."

"Wicked, let's go," I grab some parchment and a quill off the coffee table – I can't even be sure if it's mine or James' anymore – and am about to scramble through the portrait hole when I hear:

"Um Lily, does that quill have… can I see that quill," James asks hurriedly.

"Does it really matter James, I'm not going to lose it. You can have it back later," I reply in my exasperated voice.

"No, I… I think that's … my lucky quill! Can I see it," I narrow my eyes and hand it over, "yep, definitely my lucky quill," James says after inspecting it, "take this one," he says chucking me another.

"Thanks…"

&

James' POV

"Um Prongs," I hear Sirius say half an hour after Lily's departure for the library.

"Yep," I reply lazily.

"What was that whole quill thing about? I mean – you do NOT have a lucky quill…"

I clear my throat nervously, "Take a look at that," I chuck him the "lucky" quill, "and I think you'll see why she couldn't see it."

I watch him inspect it all over, when he doesn't see anything he looks a little closer.

"Oooooohhhhhh…" he says. He sees the little inscription on the writing end and he gets it.

&

"Marlene, have you seen Lily anywhere?"

"Oh yeah, she just walked past me on her way to the library with Lupin. She said she's still coming tonight," Marlene replied dumping her bag and books on the nearest coffee table.

"Library? I might head over there. It feels like I haven't spoken to her in weeks," the girl called Alice said, gathering together her possessions.

"Well, I know what you mean, but she's had a lot on her plate recently. I mean _Potter _(I always said they would always get together) and Head duties. She probably just feels stressed. You know she has to keep her grades up if she wants to get into Auror school. Also, I don't think things are all that great back home if you know what I mean – something to do with Petunia?"

"Yeah, she mentioned that – she's getting married in a few months or something. You're right – I'm off to find her," Alice turned to walk away before remembering, "Marlene… what do you want for tonight: Butterbeer or Firewhisky?"

"Um, butterbeer. Though get a couple of Firewhiskies, just for variety," Marlene winked and walked up the spiral staircase to the girls dormitories.

Alice climbed out the portrait hole and started down the corridor towards the library. She was lost in her own thoughts, about Lily and how they never seemed to speak anymore. About how Lily just seemed to abruptly change her mind about Potter, they were worst enemies after all. She turned the corner into the library corridor and practically ran smack bang into Remus himself.

"Alice, hi. Haven't seen you around in a while, how are you?" the pale boy asked politely.

"Oh I'm fine, just looking for Lily. She's not with you is she?"

"She certainly was…" he turned around to look for those green eyes and the red hair and called out with a grin on his face in a sing-song voice reserved for the likes of Robin Hood, "oohhh Blossom!"

And sure enough, Lily emerged from the library. She was preoccupied with fitting some parchment into her bag and was juggling with a stack of books in her other arm. She looked up, "yeah?" and spotting Alice, "Oh hey Alice, I was going to come to the common room after I dropped these off. I saw Marlene and she said we're definitely on for tonight."

A white faced Alice just gulped and nodded while Remus put in, "oh come on! You can't mention it twice in one day and not tell me what's going on? What are you doing tonight? C'mon – you can tell me, I'm a Marauder! Your loyalties are to us now," he added with a wink.

"Oh be quiet _Moony_, are you okay Alice? You're awfully quiet, Remus… would you mind taking these back to the common room for me?" Lily asked batting her eyelashes in a mock-flirtatious way.

"Oh go on then, only for a fellow Marauder though!"

Lily rolled her eyes, shoved the stack of books into Moony's arms and said with a little hand gesture and a grin worthy of the Marauders, "jog on."

"C'mon, tell Aunty Blossom all about it," Lily said taking Alice's arm and steering her towards the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Blossom?" Alice enquired.

"Oh, apparently I qualify as an "honorary Marauder" and one of the "privileges" of this is having a Marauder nickname. Sirius came up with "Blossom" (because of the whole Lily being a flower thing) and as no could come up with anything better… blossom it is!" Lily explained.

Alice nodded her head, a slight frown on her face…_this whole "friendly with the Marauders" thing is getting slightly out of control. Now they are on to NICKNAMES!_

"Alice… what's up? You're so quiet, I've barely spoken to you over the last few weeks."

"Maybe that's because you've been so wrapped in life with perfect Potter and the _amazing _Marauders that you haven't had time for anyone else!" Alice exploded. The last few weeks and her pent up feelings about Lily's new "friends" had finally caught up with her.

A muscle in Lily's jaw twitched thrice before she said, "right, so that's how you feel. I was actually hoping to talk about that with you tonight, I planned on doing it a week ago but things have been so hectic – I never got round to it."

"What exactly is there to talk about Lils? You are choosing James and the Marauders over your own friends. Something you promised you would never do for any guy," Lily grimaced.

"No, that's not what I'm doing," Lily rubbed her eyes furiously, she'd barely slept since that night at the hospital, "what I was going to say tonight was… that James and I aren't really going out."

Alice blinked and shook her head furiously, "what are you talking about? We've all seen you together, the whole school knows!"

"Yeah, but it's all an act. I couldn't get Kenneth Allingham off my back and so I invented a boyfriend. He was the first guy I saw, and he agreed to go along with it! Heavens knows why," Lily threw her hands up in the air in exasperation.

"Maybe because he's in love with you," Alice said quietly, and then, "but why didn't you say before?"

"Because that evening, I was planning on coming to see you but McGonagall turned up with some news. James and I had to go to St. Mungo's – family business – and we were there all night."

"I can't believe I didn't know this! Are your family okay? What about James'?"

"Oh, my family are fine. I… I don't know about James' - anyway, that's all that's been going on. James and I haven't exactly felt like going out with friends recently so we've had more of a chance to get to know each other. We're friends – that's all," Alice nodded her head at this.

"Right, well… I'll see you at eight then?" Alice added.

"Yeah course," Lily smiled, "mine's a butterbeer!"

&

James' POV

It's been a funny week, the whole school thinks I'm a hero for finally winning Lily over. A year ago, I would have been revelling in it, making up stories; kissing Lily whenever I could get away with it, but now it feels like… I'm just doing for a mate.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still as in love with _Blossom _as ever but I just feel… comfortable. I don't have to impress her, always be trying to win her over – I can just be myself.

And in she comes, through the portrait hole, "hey!" I say, waving at her from my armchair. She sprawls out on the sofa, her face lit up by the flickering firelight. My heart flutters.

"Hey, _Prongs_, do you hate me?" she asks unexpectedly.

"Um… no! If I hated you I wouldn't agree to _pretend _to be your boyfriend. I also wouldn't have asked you out non-stop for the past four years or more," I pause, "why? What's wrong Bloss?"

"_Bloss?_" she rolls her eyes, "I dunno, I've just been spending so much time here with you lot I've been neglecting my own friends a bit. I feel bad that's all."

"Okay, well we aren't going to be offended if you aren't around all the time. We respect you have your own group of friends as well as us now. It's different with the Marauders, we're like brothers," I roll of my armchair and kneel beside the sofa, "we're so pleased that you can be a part of our group. Sirius is… thrilled, he doesn't stop going on about how great you are. How you _actually _have a sense of humour etc… and he finally sees a tiny glimmer of what I see in you everyday. So don't worry, spend time with your friends, spend time with me and the boys. We've got the rest of our lives to chat, there's more than enough Lily to go round!"

She sighs and moves so she's kneeling on the carpet in front of me, she takes my hand and I feel my fingers tingle with love, "thanks James, I really appreciate what you're doing for me," she looks me in the face. This hard, determined look (characteristic of Lily) and she slowly moves closer.

It's the moment I've always dreamed of, but somehow it doesn't feel right. Her nose is a millimetre away from mine and I'm not quite sure where the thought comes from, or why it has to be said right at that moment – but I blurt out, "wait a minute Lils, that night."

"What?" she says reluctant to let go of the moment, not even moving her face, I feel her breath tickle my chin.

"That night, you promised you'd tell me what McGonagall said to you. We got interrupted though. You can't go back on your end of the deal!"

A/N: wow what a mood killer Jamie. This is the longest chapter I've ever written – I'm so proud!

**I had a bit of a brain block in the middle and I just didn't know what to do. Then as usual I had a million ideas all at once, and I think I'm a bit clearer on where my story is going now. **

**Please do review, let me know what you thought.**

**Fifi **

**xXx**


	14. getting closer Part II

Dedication: Yasmin, for taking me to see Dirty Dancing in the West End

Dedication: Yasmin, for taking me to see Dirty Dancing in the West End. I had the Time of My Life :D

Also for my English/debating/cookery teacher. When I call, you answer. When I shake my head, you stop. Most importantly when I wave, you wave back… and because _"you like me."_

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the measly plot; the rest is down to J.K Rowling of course.**

**Reviews, I love them. They make my day! So give me a shout, tell me what you think.**

Chapter 14:

Oh. My. God. Lily Evans was about to kiss me and I KILLED IT!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Don't answer that brain.

Oh back to the conversation.

Lily's face is steadily going white and she looks uncomfortable, "no no no! You can't back out, a deal is a deal and we had a deal. You promised, so you have to tell me," I press her.

"Well it's not that simple anymore James, I don't think you'll like what you're trying to make me say. I would have gladly told you last week but you can't understand…" she trailed off.

"A deal is a deal, _Blossom, _and a Marauder never goes back on his word," I gave her a wink, "and plus, if you don't tell me I might have to go back to asking you out every second second," I was teasing but she did not seem amused.

"I don't… okay – I'll tell you. You won't like it though," I could tell she was uncomfortable but I was not about to let her off this one. She was doing typical awkward-Lily body-language: fidgeting, twiddling thumbs, brushing back her hair every second (yeah that's how well I know Lily – I've studied her every move for too long).

"Well, don't keep me waiting," I encourage her, smiling that massive cheesy grin that annoyed (note the past tense) her so much.

She takes a breath, and I can tell she is psyching herself up for what she's about to say, "the thing is James, a few months ago – if this had happened I would have just made up some story about my transfiguration homework or something. I dunno, I can't lie to you though, not now. And not about this."

"Okay, c'mon, I'm interested now. It must have been serious if it's got you this messed up."

"McGonagall told me that when she was in seventh year she was Head Girl," Lily gushed out all at once. I didn't interrupt – I didn't want to get her back up, and I could tell she had more to say, "and Head Boy that year was… well it was… it was your grandfather – Bill Potter."

"Yeah, I know that. He was so proud, y'know when I got Head Boy. That was the happiest I've ever seen him," my eyes tear up for a second and I feel embarrassed. I remember what we are talking about and ask, "but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well at the time, I didn't know that your grandfather was Head Boy with McGonagall – hence why I was cool with telling you before. Well, McGonagall was giving me the lecture, "Head Boy and Girl being a couple can be a disaster or a blessing… blah blah blah… I'm glad yourself and Mr Potter aren't at loggerheads but that doesn't mean I think this is necessarily a good idea…blah blah blah" and then…" she trailed off, "well she started talking about when _she _was Head Girl. She said… she said," Bloss took a deep breath, "well she said that she was in a relationship with Head Boy of the time."

I freeze… in horror. I mean, how often do you find out that your Head of House used to, well used to…_ bang with your grandfather?!_ I don't know what I was expecting but it was not that. I'm aware my mouth is hanging open in horror and I try to summon the energy to close it. Attempt failed.

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Well to finish the story, she told me that nearing the end of the year they broke up. It was quite amicable, but it was painful for both of them – she said, it was never quite the same, the friendship they had before – it wasn't the same. So she warned me. That's all that happened," I see her look at me in earnest, "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said anything, especially not so soon after… well what happened last week."

I look at her, and I try to make my jaw work, after the third attempt I manage to spit out, "no that's okay, I pressed you to find out. Anyway I knew they were close, it's just a tad freaky to think about what your grandfather got up to with your Head of House," I smile, that big, goofy smile and we both crack up.

"Eeeewwwwww," she says, and I don't know why but for no reason whatsoever it all just catches up with me.

I'm never going to see my Pop again, and You-Know-Who's closing the net tighter and tighter around my family. My parents came within a millimetre of death…

I'm not the type who cries but all of a sudden I feel the tears – the tears of sadness, frustration and terror – finally come spilling over.

And she's there, as always. The fiery-haired angel, she wraps her arms around me and she cries too. She can tell what I'm thinking, she knows what I'm feeling. She thinks and feels it too. No words are necessary. I feel her warmth and love pour into me, and she receives mine back.

&

Lily's POV

I'm running down the hallway, Professor McGonagall would kill me if she knew. It's half past eight and that means I'm half an hour late for the girl's night in we've had planned for a week. I have a feeling Alice is going to murder me.

I could hardly leave James alone though could I? I mean that would be cruel… he needed me. I rub my eyes hoping they don't look red and puffy, the last thing I need is the girls realising I've been crying. I come to a halt outside the familiar painting of the Fat Lady. I call out, "Philip Pirrup!" Dumbledore's got this new obsession with _Charles Dickens _and all the passwords are Dickens-related.

The portrait swings forward and I scramble through the hole – seven years later and I still can't do it smoothly. I run across the common room, dodging flying quills and parchment, and up the stone steps to the girls' dormitory. I turn the door handle and shove the door open, it bangs against the wall. I stumble through the doorway – out of breath (I should work on my fitness) and crash onto the floor with, "I'm _sooo _sorry I'm late, I got held up!"

I see Alice's face and I know I'm in for it. For one thing she's holding a bottle of firewhisky – half empty (or half full if you're optimistic which at this point I'm not) and drunk+Alice not good. She looks like me, and for a moment I think she may just be sober – but alas, I should be so lucky. The thing about Alice is, her speech is not affected by alcohol but her body is. She gets up from the floor and stumbles over her own feet.

"Got held up!" she says in a shrill voice, "did it have anything to do with _James _or the Marauders by any chance?" she takes another swig from the firewhisky bottle, downing at least a third of what was left.

I sigh, and look at my feet. As far as I can see, I have two options:

Lie. Say I was doing Prefects duty with Remus or something – but I have a feeling this just won't cut it.

Tell the truth, say I was with James. Tell them his grandfather died last week and he needed me. However, I feel like that is James' private, family stuff – I wouldn't feel right telling people about it. It's his story to tell.

Say I was with James, but offer no explanation and get MURDERED.

Ooooohh. What to choose? The fact is I can't really be bothered, not after the day I've had. I shouldn't have to justify my actions to my friends. So I simply say, "yes, Alice, I've been with James. I'm sorry I'm late but I got caught up."

Alice snorts and replies with disdain, "it seems like you're always "caught up" these days. You don't have time for anybody except yourself," she pauses, "oh and _James _and _Sirius_ and _Remus_. We're supposed to be your friends but we don't matter anymore."

"That's not true," I object, "how dare you insinuate that I would ditch my friends for the Marauders of all people!"

"Well how would you describe the last few weeks then?" Alice retorts.

Marlene steps in, "Stop it – both of you! Alice lay off, I don't think Lily would be deliberately late, I'm sure she has her reasons. And Lils – you've got to at least partially understand where Alice is coming from?"

"I do get where Alice is coming from – but you're right, I have my reasons for being late tonight. However, I don't feel it is my place to disclose information regarding issues personal to James. I understand that you feel that I've been neglecting you – especially this last week – I've felt weird too, not spending time with all of you. But you have to understand that I have a lot of responsibility, I've got my heads' duties and homework and stuff going on at home and on top of all that I have James to look after!" I pause for breath.

"I know you have a lot going on Lils, I do," Alice softens - the booze is wearing off, "but we're your friends! You should come to us when you have problems – not go running to Potter (who incidentally you swore to loathe for all eternity) and his chums."

"I get what you're saying, and I'm sorry. I want to spend more time with you – honestly I do, and I will in the near future – but I have so much going on. I know I won't be winning any awards for this week's best best friend but I'm trying. I am – I just wish you would tell me what's going on with you."

Alice stiffens, I know I am not properly forgiven but I do not want to push things. "Me?" she questions – immediately getting on the defensive, "why would there be something going on with me? What's being said?" she pours out.

"No one has said anything, I'm your best friend though, I do notice (even if I am a bit late) when you start acting weirdly."

"Acting weirdly," Alice questions, "In what way am I acting weirdly?"

I laugh, softly, "firstly – you drink half a bottle of firewhisky in the space of half an hour, coming from the girl who is wary of even ordering a butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks. Secondly, the Alice I know wouldn't attack me the minute I'm through the door – shouting at me. She'd sit down and have a nice rational conversation about my lack of friendly behaviour," I give her a hard look and conclude, "and finally – if you were yourself you would not be wearing odd socks!"

She laughs, I know her too well. I had noticed, I just had not had a chance to confront her about her odd behaviour. She'd been acting slightly strangely all week – it was really starting to bug me, not knowing what was going on.

"I guess you got me pegged," she sighs.

"I guess I do," I reply, "I wouldn't be a great mate if I didn't."

She snorts, "hhhmmmm, this doesn't mean I forgive you," she reassures me.

"I know," I say, "but will you please find it in your heart to tell me what's going on?"

"She won't tell you," Marlene puts in, "we've been trying to get it out of her all week. She's standing firm – for the first time ever," Marlene says this last part under her breath.

"Oh come on! I told you about James, you have to tell me what's going on," I plead.

"Don't bring James into this," she says her eyes narrowing dangerously. I'm a slightly shocked by her reaction, it does not seem like her.

"Okay," I respond, not sure what else to say to that, "tell me? Please, you can't just keep it from me."

"Can't I?" she says, her eyebrows arching mockingly. After a long pause (and a lot of staring) she says, "Okay, I'll tell you," I smile, I didn't think she could hold out for long, "but only if you tell me what's going on with _James_?" she finishes. My mouth drops open in horror, I'm reminded of James' similar reaction to my story about McGonagall's relationship with his father. She smiles, she's got me. It's not like Alice to make demands, we've been friends since we first started sharing a dorm in First Year and I've never been in a full-blown fight with her. She's always been the neutral one, never on anybody's side, always just wanting peace and happiness. She was the one who stopped me killing James everyday.

She knows what she is demanding is not fair, she is trying to establish who comes first: herself and our friends or… or –_ James._ I don't even need to think about the answer. I know instinctively what I will or will not say. For no other reason other than it is wrong to give out personal information about others.

I will not tell.

A/N: This is supposed to represent Lily's growing empathy and sensitivity towards James. She doesn't realise what is happening and she genuinely thinks they are just friends blah blah blah.

**So will Alice tell? And will their friendship be the same as always or have the Marauders come between them? **

**Please review, feedback is greatly appreciated. And… it's my birthday so it's mean not to! I just spent some of my birthday finishing this for you so press the purple button! NOW! lol**

**Fifi**

**xXx**


	15. trouble brewing

Sorry it's been forever but in one word… EXAMS

**Sorry it's been forever but in one word… EXAMS!! **

**I am sorry though…**

**Dedication: GLAM THE VIKING!! **

**Disclaimer: I changed my name today… to J.K. Rowling – I still don't own HP though! **

Chapter 15: 

"Alice it would be wrong for me to start telling you personal information about James just because I want something from you. It isn't my story to tell. If this is about who I put first – you or James – then my answer doesn't in the least reflect that…"

Alice sighed, a small smile playing on her lips, "admirable," she said slowly, rolling her words around her mouth, "you're desperate to know but you still won't betray a "friend" – that's the old Lily. Welcome back!" her face broke into a grin but I couldn't help being confused. Thankfully all the other girls were looking similarly baffled.

"I'm not with you," I said slowly, thinking maybe Alice wasn't as sober as I would have liked.

"I've seen a different side to you this last week Lily Evans. You haven't been arguing with Potter and Black and you even joke around about pranking with them. That isn't the Lily I know, I wondered if you could change so much in your attitude towards the Marauders then maybe you had changed. Maybe you had changed into someone who I didn't want to be my friend anymore," Alice still had the ghost of her smile on her face, she was twisting her hands, "so this was like my test. The Lily I know would never betray a friends secret and you didn't."

I was at a loss as to what I should say. I wasn't even sure what I was feeling. Confusion, definitely. A trace of anger that Alice would even think something like that. Disappointment – had they all been thinking this? Had all the friends who had been telling her to get over her resentment towards James for years been thinking that she had changed into some horrible monster?

"Alice…" I started quietly, how do I respond to this, "I'm not sure how you could believe that I would change into some horrid person who you don't want to know in such a short space of time. We've been best friends for years – I thought you knew me better than that," I studied her face closely, the smile was gone, "I know I've spent a fair bit of time with James lately, but that's because I've realised how wrong I was about him. Marlene was right, he rubbed me up the wrong way a few times and I assumed that he was a horrible person. That doesn't mean I've changed I just realised I was wrong…"

Alice stared at me blankly, she opened her mouth to speak but closed it abruptly. She tried a few more times before starting with, "I wasn't trying to offend you Lily but… it's been really hard for me over the last few days. In all honesty I haven't felt like you've been here for me. I know you have a lot on your plate, but we all do…"

"I don't really know what to say Alice. I have noticed that you haven't been yourself but I haven't really had a chance to speak to you. If you want to talk to me all you have to do is say and I'll be there. I thought you knew that…"

The last few weeks replay themselves in my head and I feel overwhelmed. First Ken, then James, now Alice. It was too much to handle.

"I know…" Alice said quietly, "I just hate the thought of you being closer to the Marauders than you are to me," she said with an unusual trace of bitterness in her voice.

"Alice…" a small tear rolled down my face, "I could never do that. With the Marauders it's constant laughs, but our friendship is more than that. We're like family, I love you so much, and our friendship will last forever."

He lips twitched into a small smile, she wiped the tears from her eyes, "great! Now we've really ruined the party!"

I let out a small smile – I had almost forgotten that the other girls were there, "after all that I don't really feel in the mood for a party. Though I would like to know what's going on with you though Alice?"

"I wondered when we'd get back to that. It's stupid really."

"Don't think you're getting out of it that easily," Marlene spoke up for the first time in over an hour.

We smiled tentatively at each other, the tension in the room was more than a little obvious. In truth, I would really rather would have been back at the heads common room but I wasn't about to abandon my friend. Especially when she really needed me.

&

James' POV

I'm bored.

When I'm bored I start thinking about Pop.

When I start to think about Pop I become sad.

When I become sad about Pop I start to cry.

When I start to cry I need Lily.

When Lily isn't around I can't afford to become bored.

Where, oh where did my masculinity go? I'm in the library, reading a muggle book. I say reading, my eyes are unfocused and I don't even know what the last sentence I read was.

This is how I'm spending my Friday night? Blimey… what happened.

Maybe I'll go and find Padfoot… or not, he's probably holed up in some broom cupboard with a girl somewhere.

Or Moony… he's in the hospital wing though. He's got his transformation the night after next and he's a bit the worse for wear.

Wormtail then… where is wormtail? That's a no-no then as well.

Hospital wing it is then.

A/N: sorry it's short but I really wanted to post something before I go out this evening.

**I know it's been a long time coming, and this chapter really isn't great.**

**Next chapter we should find out what's going on with Alice… **

**Stick with it guys and it will improve soon!**

**Please review, give me your feedback – thanks to everyone who has helped me reach 60 reviews! It really means the world to me.**

**Fifi **

**xXx**


	16. everything changes

A/N: Sorry it's been a while again

A/N: Sorry it's been a while again. Hopefully this chapter will be better than the last. I'm off on holiday for a week later today, but I really wanted to get this chapter finished before I go.

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP.**

**Dedication: The Ginger Llama.**

Chapter 16

"Hey Moony, how you holding up today?" James asked as he mooched into the Hospital Wing.

"Alright thanks mate, dreading the night after next. I have a feeling it's going to be a bad one," Remus grimaced, "You okay? You look a bit… lost," the teen said with some thought.

"I'm okay. Fancied some company that's all," James ran his hand through his hair unconsciously and stuffed his hands in his pockets, "I can go though – if you're resting?"

"No mate, don't go. I just woke up and I won't be going back to sleep for a while yet. Anyway I haven't spoken to anyone – 'cept Madame Pomfrey – all day."

James flopped into a chair next to his friend's bed.

"Is it your grandfather?" Remus asked quietly.

"Not really, I mean yeah I've been thinking about it but…" James trailed off.

Remus left it, he knew if James wanted to talk then he would. So the two friends started talking about what was going on around the school; what they would do the night after next when Remus had his transformation and what they thought about Sirius' latest conquests.

In the middle of discussing this latest topic James suddenly burst out with, "It's Lily!"

Remus frowned for a second before saying, "but I thought you guys were getting on better than ever?"

"We are."

"So what's the matter then?" Remus asked, confused.

James turned to look at his fellow Marauder and quietly said, "but what if this is as good as it gets? What if this is all there ever is?"

"You mean what if you never date?"

"Yeah… what if she never falls in love with me? What if I have to pretend to be satisfied with just friendship forever?" James looked like a lost child, his hands fidgeting in his lap and his eyes filling with tears. He wiped them away furiously – it was one thing for Lily to see him cry but not Remus, not Sirius.

"James… I see the way she looks at you. I think you both need time, you're still grieving for your granddad and Lily isn't still totally over the whole Ken thing. If you wait – I mean you waited six years already you can hang on for a bit longer – then things will sort themselves out," Remus was at a loss as to what to say. He didn't mention that Sirius and he had been talking about the exact same issue the night before, and that they were both worried about the same thing.

"But what if she doesn't – fall in love with me I mean? I don't think I can keep pretending…"

"Well, you cross that bridge when you come to it. If it isn't meant to be James then it won't be," Remus finished helplessly.

James just nodded, "anyway I'd better go. Let you get some rest before the transformation," he sighed wearily and picked up his bag.

Outside the door to the hospital wing a petite redhead turned away and hurried down the corridor towards the kitchens. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she hastened away.

&

Lily ran up the steps to her old dormitory for the second time that evening. She was running late because of James… again.

She opened the door and dumped all the food and drinks in her arms onto the nearest bed. She plastered a smile onto her face and plopped down onto the floor next to her friends.

"Hey Lils – that took you a while, get lost on the way?" Marlene teased.

"Got waylaid by Allingham," Lily invented. She instantly regretted it. For a start she knew this would lead to more questioning. And secondly she hated lying to her friends.

Alice scrunched up her nose at the sound of the boy's name, "ewww, that can't have been fun. What happened?"

"Oh nothing really, he was an ass – no change from usual – and asked me if I'd broken up with "lover boy" yet… so I told him where to stick it," Lily shrugged, "I'd rather just forget about it though. We don't want that tool ruining our night!"

&

Lily woke up the next morning with a sore neck. She raised her upper torso off whatever she was lying on and surveyed the scene around her. She was lying on a mosh of duvets, pillows and people.

Upon further inspection she realised she was half-lying on Marlene and had Catherine half-lying upon her. She couldn't move without waking someone up, and if she woke one person up the rest would be woken up. It was the Domino Effect. Lily groaned and flopped back onto the mosh.

"OW!" Marlene exclaimed, woops she'd forgotten Marlene was sort of underneath her.

"Marlene don't move!" Lily said, but it was too late. Marlene rolled off the lump of duvets and took Lily with her. Lily hit her head on one of the feet of her old bed and cursed loudly.

She sat up, clutching her head, to see all the girls awake and staring at her and Marlene. They weren't happy.

Marlene smiled and gave a little wave, trying to be meek.

"I told you not to move!" Lily all but screamed.

"Well you shouldn't have woken me in the first place then!" Marlene retuned.

Lily opened and closed her mouth unsuccessfully, "It was an accident," she hissed.

There was silence. Uncomfortable silence. Until Alice broke down into a fit of giggles.

For a second the girls just stared at her, before they all fell about howling with laughter until, "guuuuuuuyyyyyyysssss – I have a headache!" Lily exclaimed, which just set them all off again.

&

It was an hour and a half after the girls had woken up and they were all heading down to the Great Hall for some good old breakfast. As they walked past the corridor leading to the Hospital Wing they ran into a very rumpled looking James. He was wearing last nights clothes and his hair was even more ruffled than usual.

Lily felt the blood rush to her cheeks as she called out, "hello boyfriend, you okay?"

James yawned, stretched and put an arm around the flame-haired girl's shoulders, "mmm, stayed with Moony last night. Didn't really feel like going back to the common room. Have fun with the girls?"

"Mmmmm, twas good to catch up," Lily wrapped her arm around his waist and yawned also, "got a killer of a headache though!"

James tapped her on the nose and said, "naughty naughty – a responsible Head Girl wouldn't be suffering from a hangover!"

Lily pushed him away from her playfully and exclaimed, "it's not from drink! I smacked my head on the foot of the bed this morning!"

"Because you were drunk?" Prongs inquired with a smirk on his face, Lily's reply was to slap James in the stomach. Unfortunately it seemed to hurt her more than him – but she wasn't about to tell him that!

The two carried on walking down to the Great Hall together, the girls behind looked on with interest.

"This whole fake-dating thing doesn't look all that fake," Alice observed.

"Lily just can't see how perfect the two of them are together."

"No – Lily just doesn't want to see how perfectly they go together!"

"Oh well, give it time and hopefully that'll change."

&

Lily sat at the Gryffindor table, thoughtfully munching on her piece of toast. She wasn't sure what to make of what she'd overheard last night.

Lily wasn't actually sure about how she felt about James. She knew everyone thought her to be blind to her feelings when it came to him – and blind about his for her also – but she wasn't. She'd actually spent a lot of time thinking about the James debacle.

On the one hand, Lily felt that there could be more than just friendship there if they wanted. But now Lily was friends with James she really didn't want to lose him. On the other hand, Lily thought about him A LOT and she really felt that they could be great together if she gave it the opportunity.

Before last night, Lily had been able to push these thoughts to the back of her head by telling herself that James didn't like her in that way anymore. However she could no longer keep deceiving herself in this way as James had made it clear to Remus last night that he loved her.

"Lily… Lily – earth to Lily," James waved his hand in her face.

She snapped out of her daze, "huh?"

"You okay there? You've just been sitting there staring my bacon for half an hour – I was a bit scared to eat it!"

Lily looked at the bacon James was referring to, she shook her head as if this simple action was enough to rid her head of all the confusing thoughts whizzing round inside it.

"I'm fine," Lily said and picked up the bacon from James' plate and popped it into her mouth before he could snatch it back. She gave him a cheeky grin.

"Oi! If it was anyone else I'd be very mad right now – because no one eats Prongs' food – but because…" James never got the chance to finish.

Lily cut in with, "You love me!" She had this big grin on her face.

She twisted round in her seat and threw her arms around his neck and hugged him until the poor boy almost choked.

"Bloomin' hec Lils – are you sure you aren't still drunk?" James inquired when she'd released him.

"No," Lily laughed, "just realised how much you mean to me that's all. Anyway I'm off, I'm going to pay Remus a visit."

"Okay, see you later alligator!" James chuckled.

"In a while crocodile," Lily said as she got up.

&

Lily threw herself into a chair next to Remus' bed at the Hospital Wing. Thankfully he was awake – he looked pale and weary.

"Hey Moony – how you feeling?" Lily asked.

"Not great – I have a feeling this transformation is going to be a bad one. What's eating you Bloss?" Remus inquired before adding, "and there's really no point in lying."

Lily groaned, "James."

"What's wrong? I thought things were better than ever between you two?"

"They are!" Lily exclaimed frustrated.

"So… the problem is…" Remus was more confused than ever – he came to the conclusion that Lily and James together were just confusing people.

"I overheard him speaking to you last night," Lily revealed.

"Oh…" Remus frowned.

"I can't stop thinking about it Moony."

"Well James wouldn't want you to feel bad about what you overheard."

"Feel bad? Why would I feel bad?"

"Well I dunno – you might feel guilty if you don't feel the same or something," Remus' frown deepened.

"No… no… I mean I can't stop thinking that I kind of feel the same. Well, I mean… I think I'm falling in love with him!" Lily exclaimed.

"Oh. Oh. Well. I guess you should talk to James then. Tell him how you feel. Tell him you that you…" Remus trailed up and looked towards the door to the hospital wing.

"Oh yeah – so I should just go up to him and be like "By the way James I'm falling in love with you" after all these years of publicly declaring my hatred for him! Then what if we did get together? Suppose we broke up? Then I'd lose a great friend for nothing!" Lily took a deep breath in, "Remus?"

Moony didn't say anything – he was busy staring over Lily's shoulder. Lily twisted around in her seat to see what he was looking at and froze.

"Well you'll never know if you don't give it a go," the teenager standing in the doorway said.

Lily's mouth opened and closed without any sound coming out, eventually she was able to spit out one word, "James."

"No – don't say anything. I love you Lils – and I'm willing to wait for however long it takes for you to be _fully_ in love with me," James walked towards her and Lily managed to stand. Her legs were like jelly, she quickly remembered to shut her mouth – she looked like a fish!

James quickened his stride and all of a sudden he was there in front of her, he brushed away the loose strands of hair by the side of her face.

All Lily could see was his hazel eyes, which were getting bigger and bigger. And then there was nothing, her eyes were closed and James' lips were upon hers. The fire was raging inside her belly and she wrapped her arms around her waist – drawing him closer.


End file.
